60 Seconds and 50 Years
by LuckiiBeckii
Summary: She was alone. She was afraid. And she was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Vanille/Hope AU
1. Chapter 1

heeeeey! first try at Final fantasy ficcing ina LOOOONG time, but I really just had to get this out of my system. I love Hope and Vanille to death, no matter what anyone says they are the cutest couple EVERRR so, i thought they should have more fanficition focused around them. technically this is AU, so HEAVY HEAVY spoilerage follows for the game, but I have a feeling most people reading FF13 fanfics right now don't rly care, so just proceed with abandon. xD I LOOOVE LOVE Vanille and I hope I characterized her properly! I thought I had some leniency with Hope, you'll see why, but I really do hope I got everyone right! This was intended to be continued, if people like it enough, probably branching off for a bit from the heavy Vanille/Hope stuff but it'd be peppered throughout the rest of the chapters. REVIEWERS, YOU R THE SHIZNAT! I LOVE YOU!

* * *

**60 seconds and 50 years**

* * *

It was cold. She just suddenly was aware it was cold as the tingles raced up and down her arms, bare skin all over exposed to the barren air.

She sat up, almost falling back down against the cold surface of the ground from lack of muscle tone. She'd been asleep for a lot longer then she'd thought…

Looking around revealed she was alone. Fang was no longer holding her hand. Tears stung her tired eyes, hurt flowering in her sluggish heart, processing faster then anything else ever had. She'd left her here, alone. It was impossible.

But it was true. She sat up, stretching her limbs, long held in crystal stasis. Her bones creaked a bit, but she otherwise felt fine. Swiping at her eyes roughly, she tried to stand, stumbled, and fell over.

Momentarily winded, she stayed sitting to catch her breath, looking upwards at the seemingly endless chamber she was in.

It wasn't the connection between Cocoon and Gran Pulse. Too much metal and no crystal. It looked a bit too much like Mahab'hara for comfort.

"Hello?" she called out in her foreign accent, pushing a stray strand of orange hair behind her ear.

No one answered. She hadn't expected one, but yet again the harsh truth hit her like a smack to the face.

No one knew she was there. No one cared.

Struggling to stand again, she finally managed to stumble over to the cave entrance. Bright sunlight shone out of the hole, and she was sure she must be in some hidden chamber on Gran Pulse.

Somewhere between waking up and standing, she'd regained her usual Oerba attire. The furred waist cape felt unnaturally heavy against her hips. Since when had everything been so heavy?

Outside, she knew right away this wasn't Gran Pulse. For one thing, the alphabet flashing from billboards all over was the Cocoon one, not the elegant and mysterious Gran Pulsian. And secondly, all the wildlife was carefully contained into a small area around the entrance to her cave. A plaque was nailed to the rock just outside it. She went over to read it.

"_The final resting place of Oerba Dia Vanille, savior of Cocoon and Creator of the Bridge"_

"Final resting place? But…I'm alive!" she said to herself a bit indignantly. Turning, she realized her sudden appearance had finally earned notice. Several vehicles had skidded to a stop outside the small nature reserve and people were getting out, ogling her in amazement.

Suddenly self-conscious, she ran for the edge fence and easily hopped over it, her vitality returning as well as her wits as the crystal sleep wore off. It wasn't safe around here, she knew that much.

Her goal now was to find the others. Or no, firstly, to find out what year it was. Who knew if the others were even still alive. The thought made her heart sink like a stone, but she shook it off and kept jogging. No use in dealing with possibilities.

"Excuse me, sir, but what year is it?" she stopped a kindly looking man in a business suit. The man looked surprised at her scant clothing, but didn't hesitate.

"Year 50 in the New Age of the Bridge, little miss. Surely you hadn't forgotten?"

50...50 years then. Not too long. She smiled and nodded at the man. "Silly me! I have a very bad memory. Thank you!" and with a wave, she was off.

The others would be old, painfully old, but hopefully still alive. She needed to see a familiar face right now, be it wrinkly or not.

Managing to dodge anymore then a few covert glances her way, she made it to an information hover booth. The settings and buttons were all in Cocoon, which she was rusty at, to say the least. She managed to get to the address listings and froze as she thought about which name to type in.

Lightning? No…she'd probably be off somewhere on Gran Pulse with Serah and Snow and probably their children and grandchildren. Wouldn't want to be a bother.

Sazh? Sazh had been quite old during their adventure…who knew if he was even alive…and she didn't want to find out just yet.

And Fang…who knew where Fang was. She wouldn't have a public listing anyway, since she wasn't a registered citizen.

Biting her lip she typed in the letters for "Hope Estheim" and clicked enter.

The machine whirred as it searched the listings. Finally one lit up. Her eyes went wide at the address. She might've been asleep for 50 years, but Higher Echelon, Palumpolum didn't sound any less impressive.

"He's done well. I'm glad." she smiled to herself a bit sadly and set out, trying to remember how to get to Palumpolum.

* * *

"Sir? There's something I think you should see…"

The elderly man stood at the picture window, one hand supporting his elbow, the other stroking his smooth chin in deep thought, overlooking the vast city of Palumpolum. It's revenue had increased a hundredfold since the forming of the Bridge, as many Gran Pulse traders made their fortunes in it's streets. He'd been one of the early investors in a company called 'Chocobo Chums' and had profited greatly ever since.

He'd lived a relatively happy life…until he'd turned 25. The year she'd gone away, for good. Leaving him behind with a son to raise.

Life hadn't seemed worth living anymore at the time. But he knew he had to soldier on, for their son. She'd want him to.

"What is it, Elyon?" he sighed and turned to his assistant, a paldry son of an assistant manager in one of the lower branches of the company. Good, hardworking boy, but forever with a look of pity in his eyes, something the older gentleman could never forgive him for.

"Well, there's a surveillance video making the rounds to all the private channels, and it's from the Shrine in Cocoon City, sir."

The man's blood ran cold. He hurried over to the comp screen and watched as his assistant hit the play button.

A beautiful orange-haired girl of around 19 stumbled out of the shrine and looked around blearily. Her shining green eyes met the camera's for a split second before it froze on the image.

"It…it can't be…"

* * *

Vanille realized very quickly that she couldn't keep on towards Palumpolum dressed in her Oerbian outfit. For one, the temperatures were a lot cooler then they had been 50 years ago, and the stares were drawing way too much attention. It didn't help that her particular hair color was just as ridiculously rare as her clothing. She dived into a service kiosk around the outskirts of Palumpolum and rapidly typed in a keypad number for Lightning's private account she'd set up during their journey. Amazingly, it was still active and the transaction went through.

She pulled on her new outfit-a conservative grey skirt and blazer with a pink blouse, accented with her Oerbian necklaces, the one think she couldn't bare to part with-and continued on her way into the busy and colorful Palumpolum streets.

It didn't take long for her to become hopelessly and beautifully lost.

"Excuse me, could you-oh dear…Um, sir! Please, could you tell me-! Oh!" buffeted by the human tidal wave of merchants, customers and wares from everywhere between Gran Pulse and the Edge, she had almost no chance of asking the way. So she kept a northward course mostly until the worst of the crowds had petered away. By this time it was almost an hour past midday, and the sun was high, but the buildings in this area were higher, and kept the streets surrounding them in a strange shadowy haze.

"Are you lost, pretty thing?" a shady looking man in a black suit came up to her as she passed yet another deserted doorway. A look of almost comical relief passed over Vanille's face at his question.

"Yes! I'm looking for Higher Echelon, Apartment 26C0589, it's a penthouse studio, not hard to miss! I just…haven't been around these parts in a long while."

If only he knew just how long.

"Ah, Higher Echelon. I know the area well. Just follow me, love." and the man kept a northerly route through the twisting streets with such confidence, Vanille didn't feel any need to pay attention to where they were going. The sun was sitting low in the sky by the time the man stopped, and the streets were even darker then before.

"Here we are, then." the man purred, pointing up at a large building just in front of them. But instead of being the friendly, well lit apartment building the information scan had shown, it was a run down pharmaceutical plant.

"I'm afraid you're mistaken, this definitely isn't it." she smiled pityingly at the man, her heart falling again as she resigned herself to several more hours of searching. The need to see Hope was becoming ridiculously strong now, and her patience was nearing it's end. She felt like there was something she needed to know, and this man was just prolonging the time before she knew everything.

"Oh no, I'm quite sure this is the place." the man said again, taking her wrist roughly. She wrenched it away with a deft twist, reminiscent of her old fighting days with the others. Giving a little laugh she bent and flipped the man over her splayed left leg, sending him flat on his back to the ground. "Ciao!" she chirped and ran off, her dull grey skirt flying as she went. The thief never told anyone about that day or that girl, the one that had bested the best criminal in Palumpolum.

Before she'd gotten more then 20 feet, yet another man dressed in black had grabbed her. But this one, unlike the first was armed. He didn't seem ready to use it, however.

"Oerba Dia Vanille?"

She nodded slowly, suspicious and fully aware of the blaster pressed to her side.

"Come with me, please. Magister Estheim wishes an audience with you."

"Oh thank the gods…I've been looking for him!" she slumped with relief and the security officer quickly put his gun away, realizing it wouldn't be necessary. She followed him like a puppy, her steps lighter now that she was being taken directly to the one person she wanted to see, and babbling incessantly to fill up the terse silence.

"It's been such a long time! He probably looks nothing like he did when I last saw him! Tetchy little thing he was, only 14 or so, not taller then my shoulder! Oh, he was so cute and strong and brave. I learned a lot from him during the time we traveled together. I helped him get away when his mother died, did he tell anyone that? I helped him find the others! I did good by him, not like Serah and Dazj…" here she fell silent, and remained so until they made it to the building from the picture.

"so THIS is Higher Echelon…" she breathed, stepping inside with almost holy reverence and making a mystical sign of prayer with her hands and fingers that made the security officer more then a little uncomfortable. There hadn't been religion in Cocoon for ages.

They stepped into an elevator and the man hit the button for the 68th floor. "Hold on now. This is the fastest elevator in Palumpolum." he gestured to the sturdy hand rails. Vanille barely had time to grab one before the little craft belted upward as if it'd been shot out of a blaster.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" she squealed as the speed pressed down and made her feel like her arm would rip from it's socket. But finally it stopped with a jerk, and she almost fell to her knees with dizziness.

The doors slid open, and there was a man standing there, dressed in a simple grey suit and black tie. His silver hair was shorn close to his head now, and small round glasses sat jauntily on his nose. Laugh wrinkles gathered in the corners of his eyes and mouth as he smiled.

"It really is you. After so long…"

"Hope?" Vanille whispered in disbelief, slowly stepping out of the elevator, her ponytails bouncing in total rejection of the somber clothes she now wore. She was exactly the same as he remembered…not quite the last one he'd seen, but the one before that. Before it had all Come to Pass.

She reached up her thin, but deceptively strong hands and ran them over his head, his cheeks and nose, his mouth-lingering a bit on his lips-then down his chin.

"Is that really you?" her voice was hoarse and he could see her eyes shining with tears. His own were tearing up too.

He nodded, and she threw herself at him, hugging his neck fiercely and letting all the tears she'd been holding in fall. Even at his great age he nearly picked her up off the ground and swung her round, laughter like no one had ever heard before or since echoing throughout the entire apartment.

Elyon peaked out from the office area near the front, and smiled, fighting back his own tears. It had been years upon years since Magister Estheim had been so happy.

"Oh, I'm so happy to see you! So, So happy!" Vanille cried, ecstatic, tears drying rapidly on her cheeks as she held Hope close. He was a great man now, old enough to be her grandfather, probably, but it didn't matter. He had the same sparkle in his eyes, the same smile. It was her Hope, alright.

"Not as happy as I am to see you." Hope smiled, kissing the top of her head affectionately. It was the most forward thing she could ever remember him doing, and she froze for a moment, shock plain on her face, but it quickly gave way to more unrestrained happiness. She hugged him again.

"What of the others, Hope? Are they as well as you are? I do hope so…"

It was here that Hope's smile melted a bit from his face. "I wish it were so."

Vanille pulled away and studied him critically. "What do you mean by that?"

"Come, sit." Hope went over to the sofa and seats arranged by the front window. The sun was now lower in the sky and the setting light made the room almost glow.

Vanille obeyed, her hands tense in her lap. Being told to sit never meant good news.

Her eyes were so large and innocent…and held a secret sadness, he could tell. A sadness he couldn't help remove anymore. Only worsen.

"Lightning is well enough, she's living with Snow in the new settlement on Gran Pulse with the children. Serah's been gone for nearly 2 years now, poor thing."

"Oh…" Vanille looked away. "How many children did she have?"

Hope smiled. "she had 4, and they went on to give her 7 beautiful grandchildren. Lightning's holding down the fort now, and Snow's doing his best to spoil the young ones rotten, as is to be expected."

Vanille looked back, eyes red but hopeful. "Lightning didn't marry then?"

Hope bit his lip. "yes and no. she married this crazy boy around the time of the Bridge's creation, then divorced him the following day, but went on to have a child with him. They're not on very good terms any longer, or so I've heard. Had a big falling out. Sanna always did have too much of her mother's temper in her. And it's odd to hear you call her Lightning. She goes by Eclair most days now."

Vanille nodded. It wasn't the happy endings she'd wanted everyone to have, but it was better then she'd honestly expected.

"And Sazh?"

"Ah, Sazh. He's almost 90 these days, or so I've heard. Healthy as a horse. He reformed PSICOM to what it is today, an intelligent, well informed and honest task force, keeping Cocoon and Gran Pulse safe. And Dahj is doing just as well, he took over for his dad not 10 years ago, and is running things now. Fine kid."

Vanille smiled. "I'm so glad…I want to see him, please, as soon as we can. I miss him so much…Sazh…"

Hope nodded. "It will be arranged as we speak."

He saw a flash of hesitation in her eyes before she spoke next.

"And…you, how have you done?"

Hope didn't answer for a moment. Elyon felt a sudden urge to leave, and did so, not wanting to look in on a private moment.

"I did well enough…I lived with Lightning until I was of age, then I went out into the world and made my fortune, just working my way up. I married when I was 20, had a fine son, Aren. He's an apprentice in the company now. Just had his 43rd birthday recently…"

"Oh…" the disappointment in her voice was apparent. "Where is she now? Your…your wife…it sounds so funny, last time I saw you you were a little man…now…my goodness…"

"She left when Aren was barely 2. Haven't seen her since."

Vanille was up and across the room in an instant, hugging him again.

"I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…"

The words pierced him through the heart, even though she couldn't possibly have any idea how much they meant to him. Not here. Not now. Not her.

"It's alright. I've made my peace with it, as has Aren. We're big boys now, remember?" he chuckled.

Vanille nodded. "mm hmm! That you are! Can I meet him? Your son?"

Hope tensed. "Well, he's working right now, not sure how soon he'd be able to get away. And best we not bother him with old battle stories, he barely believes me as it is!"

Vanille sighed and got off his lap, pacing a bit nervously on the plush carpet.

"But what am I to do now? Everyone has a life, a family, what we did just yesterday to me, is in your distant pasts now. Where do I fit in to all of it?"

Hope looked away, frowning. "You don't."

Vanille's heart skipped a beat.

"You don't belong here, Vanille. Neither did Fang, in her time, when she sought me out and asked me the same question. There is nothing for you here anymore. And there never will be. You must seek out the place you belong and how to get there on your own. I am not allowed to help you anymore then this."

"Fang came here? Fang spoke to you? Did she tell you why she left me alone?"

"It was for the same reasons she left you alone before. She was trying to protect you. No matter what, you will always be her little girl."

"She wasn't protecting me this time! She was destroying me! She was breaking my heart, like you're doing right now!"

Hope couldn't meet her eyes. But he felt her fingers wrap around his and wrench back, forcing him to turn.

"Look at me! Look at me, Hope!"

He slowly raised his own eyes to hers. She had no idea how much this hurt him too.

"Just tell me why. Tell me why you're leaving me like this, with no one to help me, no one to love me…I took care of you when you needed the same! Remember that!"

"I remember…it's why you have to go."

Vanille released his wrist and stormed across the room, leaning her forehead against the cold glass of the picture window and fogging up the surrounding area.

Having a tantrum. Like any love-struck teenager.

"It kills me to do it, Vanille. And maybe it's selfish of me in some ways to do it, but it's even more selfish of me not to. You've missed so much here. Too much. I didn't take it away, but I can at least try and give it back-"

"I don't know what you're talking about! Just tell me what you mean and I'll listen! Don't you trust me?"

_It's not about trust…it never was…_

Hope went up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her close. He smelled good, cologny and soapy and a bit of that Hope smell she remembered. Like burnt sage.

It felt right. It all felt right somehow, even though nothing was right.

He was too old, she was too young, she was too old, he was too young, everything was wrong.

"Hey, Dad, came by to surprise you today, finished up that B&W deal this morn-"

She pulled away from Hope in surprise, spinning at the voice. Everyone froze.

She took in the pale face, the green eyes, the pale orange hair, a peculiar shade that could only come about from the mixing of copper and silver…

And finally, she understood.


	2. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: Okay, so I know I've kind of abandoned this story for a while, and the ending to the first chapter was purposely vague. I had chapter 2 written up not long after publishing 1, but my PC decided to succumb to a virus and I lost it. I kind of lost motivation after that, but after seeing people are still curious after so long, I figured it was about time I tried to continue it. This is totally off the original format i wanted to follow, and the story will of course be different from what I'd planned, but hopefully it all blends together well. I'll be jumping around A LOT, so I apologize if this confuses some people. I promise all your questions will be answered in the end and everything will fit together.**

* * *

The night sky blazed with the light of millions of stars, and the ruined frozen remnants of Cocoon, glistening like a dead diamond took center stage.

It had been 6 months since the events that had caused that to happen, and six months was no where near enough time to erase it from the minds and hearts of the people who'd experienced it firsthand.

Or the ones who knew who caused it.

Hope was having difficulty adjusting to everything. At first, he'd been alright, moving back in with his dad and trying to mend the bond they'd almost broken and fill the void left by Norah. But there were too many voids to fill and not enough memories to fill them all.

and so the boy walked around still filled with invisible holes, gaps in his life that no one could fill. Not even Lightning's periodic visits or Serah's spontaneous days out on the town. Not even Snow's random adventures and attempts at hunting held his entire interest.

"You miss her, don't you." it was less a question and more a statement of fact, going by the deep intonation of Snow's last word. Hope looked away. He'd been anticipating this moment for six months. he just hadn't expected Snow to be the one to initiate it.

"Yes, of course I miss my mother. I'd be a real jerk if I said I didn't, wouldn't I?" Hope hid behind sarcasm, the one shield he had left.

"You know who I meant, kid."

Silence reigned as Hope scrambled to find a way out. He wasn't ready. It was too soon to be doing this...he couldn't handle it. Already he felt the tears building up in his eyes.

_If only I'd told her, before she left...she'd've gone to that final sleep knowing how I felt...knowing I loved her..._

"Sure, i guess. a little. but don't we all?"

Snow laughed. It was a comforting sound, nice and big and warm. Hope couldn't help but think Serah was in the best of hands with him.

"I might be a little simple minded, but I'm not stupid! I saw it in your eyes that first time we met, trying to find Serah. You'd just lost your mother. You were consumed with hatred for the one you thought did it. Me. And there she was, this beautiful girl who's only wish seemed to be to make sure you made it through, knowing you weren't alone. I'd call you a fool if you _didn't _fall in love with her."

Hope's entire body drooped in defeat.

"I didn't even really know her that well...I didn't understand why she cared so much about me. I...i felt like I didn't deserve that kind of friendship. Not then. not now or ever."

"Maybe she knew something you didn't?" Snow's words were innocent enough, but they made Hope's eyes go big.

That day...that day on gran pulse, when they'd been alone...

_oh, I don't know, maybe another lifetime!_

his heart skipped a beat.

"Maybe...what does that even mean?" he whispered.

Snow crossed his arms behind his head and stretched, putting one arm heavily on Hope's right shoulder.

"She gave you a gift, kid. Sure, she lied to us, or at best kept the truth from us, but everything she did, she did from her heart. She chose you. Serah has this stupid saying...ah, what was it again..." he looked off to the side, deep in thought, the cogs literally churning inside his tawny-topped head.

"Oh yeah! Don't cry because it's over, Smile because it happened. She was with us for a time, and now she's gone. but geez, aren't you glad for that time you had?"

Hope nodded, unable to speak for fear of betraying the depth of his feelings.

"If you were given another day, what would you do differently?" Serah had emerged from the house, stealthy as a ninja in her approach. Hope jumped a bit at her voice, and her question. He didn't hesitate to answer.

"Everything. I'd do everything differently, of course."

"Like what?"

the blood rose so quickly to his cheeks he didn't have a chance to turn away. Serah smiled.

"It's alright. You don't have to tell us. I have a feeling me and Snow here already understand just what you mean."

they shared a look, and Snow almost immediately went back into the house, leaving Serah alone with Hope. She'd never tried to get him to open up before, content mostly with just bonding as friends over the frivolous shopping trips they took, not really reading into anything he did, but just trying to genuinely make him feel a bit better about his situation. Sometimes he almost sensed a bit of guilt from her, in knowing she'd been given a second chance, while Vanille and Fang had spent theirs to give her hers. It just made him feel worse. It definitely wasn't anywhere near her fault they were gone.

Serah didn't speak, just looked over the wide expanse of empty land beyond the balcony, the people and animals traversing Gran Pulse, their new home.

It was the silence that Hope found most relaxing, and oddly enough, it opened him up more then Snow had.

"I told her I liked her smile. What an idiot, huh?"

Serah snapped her head around to meet his eyes, like she hadn't been expecting him to break the silence at all. but she knew. she definitely knew.

"Not an idiot, no. You told her the truth, right?"

"Well...sort of...but then I kind of...let her think it was a lie."

Serah tilted her head.

"I couldn't just come out and tell her. You gotta understand why i couldn't...right?"

"Your age difference?"

Hope winced. he'd never heard it approached so baldly before, but he nodded.

Serah sighed. "It wouldn't have mattered. from what Snow told me, she loved you regardless. And when you love someone on that level, nothing can stop you from being together someday. It's like...it's like life-glue or something. Stupid, but powerful."

"And another thing. you felt like you would never be good enough for her. Snow felt the same way when we started dating. Wondered why a pretty little thing like me wanted anything to do with a big lug like him." Serah giggled. "But he came around eventually. he realized I loved him for exactly who he was, and had no plans to change him."

"That's just it." Hope's eyes were barely open slits now, as he struggled to keep the water back. "I'll never get a chance to even let her know I felt the same way...that i still feel that way."

Serah gently took Hope's hand in hers, much in the same way Hope had taken Vanille's that day when they'd seen Oerba for the first time in 500 years.

"It'll be okay. you'll get your chance someday. I just know it."

Hope bit back the tears and tried to smile. "I hope you're right."

* * *

_**Later that night**_

The young woman still felt out of place, and painfully alone here on the rocky hilltop. Her clothes had seen better days, torn and filthy from her journey. She got up and with an effort of will, started towards the lights in the distance, and hopefully habitation.

If she'd calculated correctly, she'd find refuge there. a home...and possibly a future. Her pink-orange hair hung in oily curls around her face, her hair ties having long broken from the dryness of the desert. She looked like a homeless street waif and could use a nice long shower.

The lights seemed to come to her after that, as her strength returned, and it wasn't long before she was walking among the streets of a small ramshackle town. Last time she'd been to Gran Pulse, there had been little or no real human habitation still in existance, but this...this was hope.

She started to sprint, her long legs darting in and out as she traveled the foreign roads like she knew them to where her heart told her to go. She stopped in front of a small house. It looked older then the others, just slapped together pieces of metal, but with peony flowers in the front yard, and colorful curtains in the windows. She tried the door, knowing it would be unlocked.

The house was dark and still, but not frightening. There was a warmth she recognized and at once her body felt relieved. This was home.

Carefully, she trudged up the stairs to the top floor, where she walked along the narrow hallway to the last door on the left. If she'd calculated correctly...

The door swung open and her heart sank.

There was one small bed in the center of the room. Only one lamp, and sparse furnishings at best. Hope breathed in and out with the easy cadence of sleep.

He was still just a boy. Unable to tear herself away, to go back to that dark place and try again, at least not yet, she walked up to the bed, watched him...this boy who had stolen her heart before he'd even known it. She knelt down and tentatively, slowly, so as not to wake him, reached out a hand and stroked his cheek. It was still baby smooth with youth. So young...so beautiful...

His eyes fluttered but she didn't pull back her hand. She was too tired to care about being caught now. but his eyes stayed only half open, and she knew he wasn't yet fully awake.

"v...v...nille..." he murmured sleepily. She smiled, tears sparkling in her eyes as she nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

"you...you came...back..." it wasn't a question, and he smiled a crooked little smile of sheer happiness. a dreamy happiness, the kind that would not be real come the morning, but a happiness nonetheless.

"I came back for you...you promised me, remember?" she whispered, pushing a stray lock of silver hair away from his face.

"Mmm..." his hand reached out blindly and she took it, guiding it to her own cheek. He felt the tears and his smile vanished.

"Crying...?" a question hovered in his eyes.

she tensed as she heard someone moving in another room.

"I'm just so happy to see you...rest now, my little Hope. I'll see you again someday...someday soon."

he accepted her words and closed his eyes again, drifting back into full, unadulterated sleep. she slipped out his window and down the terraced steps, running back the way she'd come. Back to the darkness and the loneliness of the unknown...

She'd been too eager...too callous and overconfident. If she'd gotten it right the first time, she wouldn't feel the pain as much as she did now. It scored her chest like a stab wound, but she fought it until the darkness came again. And then finally, she let it go, agonizing sobs and moans, wretched screaming and his name...his name...his name...

_I'll get it right this time. I promise..._


	3. Chapter 8

_**Author's Note: I appreciate all the feedback, really, I love reading reviews and you want to keep your favorite authors happy and writing, right? hehe. Here's the next chapter. I think it got a liiiittle long winded, but I hope you bear with me. the next chapter should be a little bit more enlightening. lol en'lightening'. xD keep reviewing, keep faving, if you think this little story that could is worth your time. Thank you all!**_

_**Chapter 8**_

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* * *

**_

This time she landed in a secluded, but relatively well-lit back alley in the business sector of Palumpolum. Hoping against hope that this was it, she wandered out into the middle of the road. it was close to two in the morning, and no hover cars or people were around. she still sorely needed a shower, and a warm meal if it was possible. But she hesitated to find her friends.

What if she'd gone too far? Too close to where she'd started from, where none of them were of an age to even remember her. The thought made her shiver, and long for the quiet, calming serenity she'd just left. She leaned her forehead against the cold metal wall of a nearby building, suddenly dizzy. Hope's face was burned into her retinas, pure and unlined by the troubles of the world. she wished somehow that she could go back, capture that time in his life forever, and never grow old. Never worry. Explore Gran Pulse together...forever...

"Watch it!" she was jolted from her reverie by a late night taxi hover cab rushing past dangerously low. she ducked her head, heart pounding.

"Idiots." a low voice mumbled as it approached. she instantly felt very dizzy again and struggled not to be sick as the cool metal of the wall soothed her fevered forehead.

"Hey, you okay?" the voice had finally reached her, but she dare not look up. whoever the voice belonged to was wearing long beige pants and red hiking boots.

"I think so...just give me a sec." she tried to regulate her breathing so it didn't sound as ragged. Slowly, the taste of bile went away and she trusted her head to move upward. the effects of her passage were still disconcerting.

"You been drinking? Kinda stupid if you have. Never took to that stuff." the guy was scruffy, and barely out of his teens, maybe 21 or so. His eyes were sympathetic, however, she found herself being a bit wary, ever since she'd been duped before.

"I don't drink. Just felt a little sick...and I'm lost."

"Fair enough. I'm Faren by the way. Faren Dufell. You would be...?"

Vanille stuttered. she didn't know whether it was wise to give her real name in a world that might already know her. "Fang. I'm Fang Oerba."

"Fang...kind of a tough name for a little cream puff like you!" Faren chuckled lightheartedly. Vanille forced a smile, but felt too weak to laugh. If only he'd seen her in battle...

'If it isn't too much trouble...could I maybe stay with you or something for the night? I've been walking for a long time and I'm starving..."

"Of course, of course. I just recently got an apartment with some buddies. One of thems a girl, Selsia, she should know what to do with you." He pointed the way with both hands, and Vanille gently weaned herself from the wall and followed him. he stayed attentive and alert to the untrustworthy darkness, and for the first time in a very long while, she felt safe.

a PSICOM cruiser whizzed by overhead and Vanille found herself instinctively ducking and reaching for her large weapon, but it wasn't there, and Faren just gave her a weird look.

"What are you, afraid of PSICOM? they haven't been baddies since Barthandelus was killed, like, 10, 11 years ago. I barely remember it myself."

Vanille waited for her heartbeat to normalize before she spoke. "Yeah, I knew that. Just got a little startled. been a while since I've been around cruisers."

"I can tell." Faren grinned and guided her towards a vivid green slide door in a tall metal apartment building, with high balconies far above. It slid open at his keycard and he showed her in.

The house was small but well decorated, obviously with a female eye. Fresh flowers stood in a vase in the kitchen, and everywhere were bright floral patterns.

"I'll get Selsia. She's gotta be around somewhere. if you're hungry, help yourself to the fridge. Think there's some leftover fiend puree and cold pasta. Be right back." and he shot off. Vanille tried to remain calm as she walked to the large white fridge, but she lost it once the door was open and started shoving anything edible looking into her mouth. She was already unused to prepackaged foods after almost her entire life living rough, but now was as good a time as any to get acquainted with Super Sweets, Chocobo Chums and Light 'n' Sweet candy bars. By the time she'd done her damage the fridge was significantly emptier and she felt like she'd single handedly consumed an entire Flan Fiend. trying to tamp down the growing stomachache that was sure to ensue, she sat down at the kitchen's island and put her head down. the coolness of the marble top soothed her and she was almost asleep by the time Faren returned with his roommate.

"Here she is. That's Fang!" he pointed like a little kid showing off what he'd found in the sandbox. Selsia looked a bit edgy, with shocking blue highlights in her light blonde hair and dark eye makeup. Her brown eyes made her otherwise pretty face seem dark and dodgy. Vanille's guard was already up.

"Fang? Looks more like a Princess to me." she smirked and sat down at the bench across from Vanille.

"So, this your first time running away from home? You still look wet behind the ears, gods bless you if they existed."

Vanille bristled, about to scold Selsia for her blatant disregard of the gods, many of which she'd met herself but she bit her lip and swallowed her anger. "Yeah...I'm looking for someone, but I don't know where they live. I'll be back to looking tomorrow, I promise. I won't bother you guys any longer then I have to."

"bother us? au contraire! You're the most exciting thing to happen around here in a long time. you're welcome. nice accent by the way." selsia's voice seemed sincere, but with just a hint of sarcasm. Both girls couldn't ignore how Faren was across the room, hanging on every word but pretending not to.

"You probably need a shower. heard you've been walking for a while?" Selsia adopted a more understanding tone and took in vanille's trashed clothes with a quick glance.

all Vanille could do was nod. her stomach was in knots. So Selsia showed her to the economic bathroom, showed her how to use the hand-sensor taps and where the towels were, and left to find her some clothes.

Vanille fairly leaped into the hot bath water like it was her only chance of survival. with a sigh she submerged her tired, battered body into the pool, allowing all her worries to drift away, if only for a little while.

She drifted off into a world that wasn't her own yet, memories that she wished were hers, and that tasted real, but couldn't possibly have happened yet. Hope's lips pressed to her forehead, his body warm and possessive as he hugged her fiercely. He'd been so afraid to hug her back before, when they were little more then children, and she'd known then what and who he was. Fang had told her, so many years ago, back before it had all started. She'd never questioned how Fang knew, but then again, Fang was never wrong when it came to things like that.

The memory came to her, unbidden, like a rising tide on the shore.

"You asked me once, if I was ever curious about who my life partner would be." Fang paced around the clearing where they'd just finished killing a large creature for training. Vanille was hewing off the hard carapace to use for a bucket or a wagon for the children back at the village. She nodded slowly.

"I don't think I have one, but I feel like I've seen yours. In my dreams."

Vanille paused, sheathing her hunting knife. Fang had never spoken about her dreams before. Not even at Communal, when everyone else did, around the campfire, so the elders could divine their meaning and plan accordingly. She'd always claimed it was because the gods had never blessed her with a dream, but Vanille knew better. It was because her visions were too frightening. There had been many a night she'd been jolted awake by Fang's thrashings as she nightmared, a cold sweat on her brow.

"What is he like?" her voice was quiet, thoughtful. She'd always assumed she'd marry one of the village boys, preferably one who already lived in their house, so she wouldn't have to move, and while away her days adding to the village's population.

Fang's brow beetled as she concentrated on remembering. "He has silver hair..like an old man, but a bit darker, and he's young, barely more then a boy. He's...he's just experienced a great tragedy, and there is no one there to keep him safe."

Vanille felt her heart catch. Knowing that somewhere, someone was in such a state made her automatically want to help. "Who is he? I will go to him at once!"

Fang bit her lip and made a conscious effort to avoid Vanille's eyes. "I don't know. his clothing is so strange...My gut tells me he's not from this world. At least not yet."

"What do you mean? he hasn't been born?" Vanille couldn't help the edge of incredulity from creeping into her voice. She'd thought Fang's dreams were strange, but this was beyond it all. Not even the Elders claimed to be future-seers.

Fang was silent, then she knelt and continued the work of removing the carapace. Vanille had asked many more questions after that, but Fang had been resolutely silent until she'd backed off. It had been the only time her best friend had ever kept something from her. It still hurt, even now...

Loud knocking on the door woke her up, and a quick glance at the wall clock showed she'd fallen asleep for an hour. the water had gone tepid and her fingers resembled peach prunes. She quickly got out and apologized, drying herself off with the towel and taking the proffered clothes from under the door. It was simple fare, a pink t-shirt, brown canvas belt and orange short shorts, perfect for the warmer weather of summer. She slipped into it, and besides finding the shirt a bit short, everything fit well.

A sleepy looking Selsia mutely pointed to the sofa in the living room Faren had been occupying earlier and Vanille found it piled with pillows and blankets. with a swoosh, she threw herself into it, murmuring her thanks before almost immediately drifting to sleep.

Morning came all too quickly for Vanille, and with it, her worries returned full force. she still hadn't found Hope, and going by the date, she'd guess him to be around 25 now. she wrote a hasty note in dodgy Cocoon script, to thank Faren and Selsia before grabbing some breakfast and leaving quietly by the front door.

Palumpolum in daylight was every bit as impressive as it had been before, the last time she'd seen it. Not all the taller buildings had been put up yet, but it was still a massive presence. hover cars disconcertingly danced inches above her head, and people all around were chatting and living their lives. Before long, she'd gone deep into the heart of the business center. in the midst of two more impressive looking structures was a small park, covered with green trees and benches and fountains. Kids swarmed a playground near the middle, and parents as well as businessmen out for a stroll circled protectively.

Vanille watched quietly, a bit curious, wondering what her own life might have been like if she'd been allowed to live it out so peacefully. Without ever having to lift a weapon or defeat a C'ieth. it seemed these people still faintly remembered those times, watching out for their comrades and children with a wary eye, but the younger ones seemed a lot more carefree and reckless.

Drunk with peace. it was a term that made her smile.

Almost by chance she heard a man call for a little boy who'd run off the playground after a toy, a sort of miniature hover car.

"AREN! COME BACK HERE! I CAN'T SEE YOU!"

the little boy's toy seemed to find a beeline right to her, and she ducked wisely behind a tree trunk. the toy landed by her feet and the boy knelt to pick it up, but froze when he saw her, unsure of how to proceed.

The little boy was beautiful. He had the round plump face of childhood, and his hair was a strange, shifting strawberry blonde, more red then yellow. he had obnoxious freckles all across his face, like a perversion of her own, much lighter ones, and deep, trusting green eyes, so much like her own she nearly cried out with joy.

"Hey there. You're Aren?" she kept her voice soft, kind. Children were no fools, that she knew instinctively.

The boy nodded, then judging her of a low threat level, he proceeded to pick up his toy, brushing off the dirt it had picked up on it's landing.

"You look like my Mommy." he said. Just plain and flat out. An observation, not an accusation. it was all Vanille could do not to tell him she WAS his mommy. She didn't even know that for sure yet.

"Do I? that's funny." she smiled and reached out a hand, beckoning him close. She had such precious little time...

He obeyed her gesture, so trusting it hurt. Somewhere deep inside his heart he knew, even if she wasn't so sure herself. Blood knew blood, she supposed. His warm little body against hers just felt right...just like being with Hope had felt right.

"Now, I want you to promise me something, okay Aren?"

"Okay." he'd begun to say the word 'mommy' but stopped at the first m, watching her curiously.

"Always listen to your daddy, and be a good boy. And never forget your mommy loves you with alllll her heart." she waved her arms for emphasis. Aren's eyes went big.

"I promise!" he even crossed his heart, face earnest and serious. Vanille smiled and kissed his head. "Now run on, your daddy's worried about you."

he nodded, stopping to look at her one more time before obeying.

"There you are! I told you to stay in plain sight, kiddo." Hope's voice was a little deeper, and Vanille chanced a glance around the bush in front of her. He still had his medium length silver hair, but it was slicked back in a professional style more becoming of a CEO then the teenager she'd known for so long. He also seemed to be experimenting with a goatee, which had grown in just as silver as his hair. She made a face and giggled softly. Hope's eyes shot up as if at a gunshot, and she ducked down, but she was pretty sure he'd seen something. If anything, Aren would tell. He seemed the snitchy type. Just like her. with a regretful smile, she left the park, her heart heavy.

"Ciao..." she whispered.

It was wrong, making so many mistakes. Sazh had told her why miscalculations happened, but she couldn't dream of why her heart was so unsure.

And each trip was costing her, she could feel it. this time, her body had obviously been rebelling against the darkness.

Without a backward glance, she wandered around the city a bit longer, stopping long enough to look up the others at an information kiosk. Lightning was listed in a colony on Gran Pulse, but her exact location wasn't available. the same could be said about Snow and Serah. But Sazh was listed as Head of PSICOM Control in the capital. she grinned.

"You're future is just beginning." she sighed, heavy with all the knowledge her young mind already held thanks to the older man.

Her day's vacation ended all too soon on the outskirts of the town, back around where she'd arrived, but even further beyond the reach of the city's lights.

With a force of will she managed to find the dark place between again, and with even more will, to go inside, while her entire body rebelled against the eventual pain. It enveloped her like a still, dark lake, lapping her up like the ocean tugs at a large stone. and with each wave, more pain filled her entire body then she'd ever thought possible.

She cried out, once, twice, then her yelps petered out into whimpers as her body adjusted her pain threshold. And just like that, she left the world that was too late, hopefully to the one that was where she was meant to be...


	4. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: So Sorry to make you wait, considering I've had this chapter written for a while, but I'm trying to get you guys accustomed to dry spells like this, because I'm going back to school in a week and I probably won't be able to update for a while. I'm writing as fast as I can to at least have the main chunk of chapters done before I go back, so i can just update once a week, but I'm not sure if that'll happen. If anything, stick with me, I promise I'll finish it whenever I have time. I am so grateful to everyone who's taking the time to read this weird little thing. I truly appreciate all the little bits of love. And without further ado, here it is! the next installment.**

* * *

**Chapter 5**

Hope felt himself trembling as Lila took his hand in hers. It was the closest he'd gotten to a girl since Vanille and he already felt filthy for it.

But he had to admit, it felt nice.

He'd spent years carefully analyzing each hug Vanille had given him, the soft feel of her wrist in his hand, the way her body had pressed up against his back in the hover car, that one time they'd tried to get away and find Snow...It all still made him dissolve into childish butterflies.

But this...this was different. This was a kind of quieter happiness, not marred or tinged by the danger of being killed or the lust for revenge shadowing everything else. This was a girl he'd met just by chance while working at a metalcraft shop not far from Lightning's place. She hadn't been beholden to him from the beginning, and they'd had a semi-normal courtship of flirty glances and every sentence spoken had a double meaning. It was like an elegant kind of dance that led to nothing, and was unlike anything Hope had ever experienced before.

he wasn't quite sure how to deal with it.

Right away his thoughts raced to wondering if his hand would get too sweaty and she'd pull away in disgust or that he needed to readjust his baggy pants but couldn't now that his hand wasn't free and what if they fell and she saw his underwear and could she hear his heart racing cuz boy, he sure could, loud and clear.

"You okay with this?" she asked softly, leaving no room for any other answer in her icy blue eyes.

"Yeah, sure it's fine!" Hope blustered. she giggled. "You're funny."

"S'what everyone tells me. hehe" he cracked a lopsided grin. Not everyone thought he was funny. He often tried to be but more likely than not he failed. But to Lila, everything he did was entertaining.

He couldn't have chosen another girl any further from his real image of Vanille in his mind. Lila was all light seriousness where Vanille had been deep, compassionate fun. Her eyes were the lightest shade of blue, almost grey, like his own, and her hair so blonde it was white, curling to just a bit below her shoulders. Her skin however was a bit darker then his, and leant a kind of

exotic look to her that he had to admit, Vanille possessed as well, but to a different degree.

It hurt, comparing her to Vanille like that because to him, simply nothing else could compare, but Snow had told him he'd never forget his first love.

'No matter what beautiful creature you manage to snare, you will always compare her to that first woman that took your breath away.' Hope smiled. Snow was a dad now, with a 1 year old little boy named Tersel and a little girl on the way soon.

Serah took being pregnant well, her face becoming a good bit fuller then it used to be, but otherwise remaining unchanged. She also became a zealous cook, constantly making new concoctions and using Hope as her guinea pig because he had what she called a 'stomach of iron.' He didn't mind though. She vaguely reminded him of how Norah would dote over him with food and it warmed his heart.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Lila said softly as they crossed the second bridge into the new division of the town of Central Gran Pulse, and the lighting grew steadily dimmer.

"My thoughts are worth a little bit more then that..." he sighed, then backpedaling as he saw her frown.

"But of course, that's only because they're good thoughts, nice thoughts about people I like, about people like you...about you, yeah! that's why they're worth more." he stopped talking and seemed to turn in on himself. _What. An. Idiot._

Lila laughed outright. "Do I really make you this nervous? That can't be good, Hope! Relax. I'm just a girl. I don't bite!" she patted him on the back and smiled sympathetically.

"Sorry...it's just...ah, nevermind."

Unlike most girls, Lila didn't inquire further, because to be honest she had a vague idea. Hope hadn't returned to school after his one year attempt of it while living in Palumpolum with his dad. he'd given up his studies and come to work full time on Pulse, living with Lightning, one of the legendary warriors. It was said he'd fought alongside her during the battles against the fal'Cie, but to see him nervous and small now made her feel strangely powerful.

"It's alright. Come on, let's go sit under that tree and watch the sun set!" she pranced ahead and sat underneath the tall fir-oak hybrid. Hope joined her not long after. the earth was warm underneath their bare hands and as the sun's bloody light spilled over the valley, it tinged everything orange.

Hope stared. shook his head twice. stared again. Vanille was sitting in front of him, leaning against the tree.

"Something wrong?" her green eyes flashed with curiosity and heartfelt concern. He could pick out every last freckle on her face.

"N-no..." as he spoke, it seemed like the spell was broken, forcing him to realize it was just Lila and the light made her hair look orange and her eyes darker. It hurt a lot more then he thought it should. thought it could.

"Could I...could I kiss you, Hope?" Lila asked politely, her cheeks reddening and her eyes downcast.

"Sure. I guess..." she paused, and her eyebrows took a nosedive. "You guess? Do you even really like me? Or are you still fawning over that Oerba girl that died creating the Bridge?"

Lila's words stung, because until now, Hope had never, ever thought of Vanille as dead. He had a feeling, deep in his bones that he'd see her again someday. And he'd always feel that way.

"She's not dead!" he snapped. Lila got up with a swish of her long skirts and stomped away.

"Go find her then! and kiss HER!" she yelled back as a parting shot. Hope slumped underneath the tree and felt the heat from the sun still burning against his cheek. It was like a blanket of warmth, and it felt even better then being with Lila somehow. And somehow it reminded him of Vanille.

"You cant be dead...you promised me..." he whispered, closing his eyes and falling asleep.

a rustling in the grass made him start awake. the light show of sunset had ended, and all that remained was a light purple cast to the sky.

"Thought I'd find you out here. Instinct I guess." Lightning came and sat next to him on the grass, bumping his shoulder in a comradely fashion. "Have a nice nap?"

Hope groaned and rubbed his eyes. There was a weird taste in his mouth. "I guess..." then all that had happened before caught up to him and he frowned. "Until I just remembered it all. I blew it with Lila."

Lightning made a soft dissaproving sound with her tongue. "She wasn't worth the trouble anyway. did a little background check. all money and no substance. You're better then that. you need someone who's not all smoke and mirrors." she looked at him then, meaningfully.

"yeah I guess. but I mean, I'm only 16. I'm not looking for someone to marry. I just want to have been kissed before my wedding day, you know?"

Lightning chuckled. "I get it, I get it. Guys always did value experience more then girls." she raised an eyebrow. Hope's face reddened. "I didn't mean that! GAH! Light!" he punched her arm playfully.

after a gentle skirmish, they calmed down again and Lightning got up. "You still got your hunting knife?" Hope nodded, patting his waist band. he'd carried it with him 24/7 ever since he'd left school and was allowed to.

"Good. come on. My blood's boiling, I need to kill something." she didn't say it ruthlessly, but Hope immediately understood what she meant.

Unable to truly put her heart into the force again after what she'd been through, Lightning had gone into early retirement with a heavy stipend from the capital. But she'd been bred for battle, and it was all she'd known. Now to be presented with endless days of thinking and pursuing her hobbies, she found it was better to go out sometimes and 'let off some steam' as she called it. Ever since Hope had been living with her, it was always that way.

In some ways he felt like the caretaker, and she the child. But it was an equilibrium he knew they'd never break out of. They were friends, and had a great amount of respect for each other, like soldiers who'd battled together in the same battalion. Faced death and won. Together. It was a strange bond he doubted anyone but they understood.

Without question they wandered off into the unknown wilds surrounding the town. Lightning still wasn't satisfied with his battle prowess, even though he'd argued he'd always been more of a magic user then a fighter, and that more often then not, his spells got her out of a tight spot. But she refused to believe brains over brawn. It led to a spirited debate on the way back home, as Hope went through their drops. a few Fangs, a bit of stray fur. nothing huge. But they were met by a frantic Snow upon returning to the town. he was pacing in front of the modern, but small hospital. "Thank the GODS, where have you two been? Serah's gone into labor and I can hardly handle Tersel AND her demands at the same time! Can you please watch him for now, until she's in the clear?" he hastily handed over the little baby who resembled his mother more then anything, with wispy light strawberry blonde hair that bordered white and big blue eyes that melted everyone's heart. Lightning hefted the infant onto her hip a bit like a gun in a holster and Hope shouldered his diaper bag. the two headed home in low spirits, Lightning worrying about Serah and Hope worrying about how they were going to take care of a BABY for an indeterminate amount of hours.

"Don't overthink it, kid. it's simple. you feed it, you change it, you put it in a pen with toys. wa-la, parenthood."

Hope remained skeptical. He kept looking over his shoulder at baby Tersel in his pen as they had dinner, and blanched at Lightning's proposal that HE watch the baby while she went for a quick check up visit on Serah.

"It's not hard! he's practically asleep anyway!" she pointed at the lethargic baby, drooling from one side of his mouth. Hope was practically having a panic attack.

"Geez! 16 year old boys and babies! whoda thunk that they're humanities oil and water! You'll be FINE! I'm coming right back!"

"But-butbut!" Hope was cut off by the door slamming, which jolted Tersel from his quasi-sleep and he gave a half-hearted whimper.

"Don't cry, please! She said she's coming right back!"

tersel seemed to accept that, and went back to staring listlessly at his infant toys. Hope stayed close, smiling at the baby when he turned to look, but otherwise worrying himself into a state. Somehow, thinking about Vanille calmed him down a little.

He'd analyzed and re-analyzed their conversation that day on the Arcylte Steppe. It still didn't quite make any sense...except...Vanille's reference to another lifetime. At first, he'd thought she'd had no idea when he'd made the promise and was playing around, or lying again, as she was wont to do at the time. But now...it was much heavier then that.

What if she had literally meant 'another lifetime' as in...she'd known about his promise BEFORE IT HAD HAPPENED. Time travel. the idea was mind boggling, and if it wasn't so all-consuming he'd automatically dismiss it out of hand as being too crazy. But magic existed. he was able to protect people, to heal people, with nothing but his power. Why shouldn't time travel also be possible?

He'd just started to put together the logistics of it-what type of power would be required, what mindset, the conditions, the probability of arriving in the correct time-when Lightning returned with news.

Serah was having a difficult labor, and would be staying overnight. Hope groaned inwardly. great. now he wouldn't sleep, worrying about the baby AND Serah. but the drawn look in Lightning's face made him feel sympathetic. He reached out a hand and squeezed her arm gently.

"It'll be okay. Serah's strong."

Lightning nodded wordlessly, picked up Tersel and headed to bed. Hope couldn't help but think that of all people, she seemed the least likely to be good with children, and ended up being the best, sometimes outlasting even Serah's patience.

_Maybe that's how she put up with me...so long ago. I was a real piece of work back then too._

he smiled to himself at the memory, of a younger Hope who'd had an insatiable thirst to 'prove' himself to everyone he came in contact with. He still felt like he had something to prove, but not to everybody, and certainly not to his friends. No, he had to prove it to himself.

the night went quickly, and he actually did manage to get to sleep, despite his fears, but his dreams were troubled. Images of a much less happy-go-lucky Vanille, beaten and bedraggled haunted his mind, calling for help, far beyond anywhere he could reach. When Lightning called for him in the morning he woke to dry tear trails on his cheeks.

"So?" he asked simply as they all sat down to a calm breakfast with the baby.

"So what? Serah pulled through, had the baby around 4 in the morning. she's been resting. Planning to head over once we finish up here. Meet your baby sister, huh Terse?" the little boy gurgled with satisfaction. Hope couldn't help but smile. relief coursed through his body. It was going to be okay.

Lightning was eyeing him a bit strangely this morning though, and he couldn't help but notice.

'What's up?"

she shook her head, as if clearing it of some stray thought. "Nothing. It's just...well...you were talking in your sleep last night, and you know I have ears of a cat so-"

"What did I say?" Hope had a good idea what it was he said, but he feigned interest, hoping to throw her off. It wouldn't do to let Light know he hadn't exactly gotten over Vanille yet.

"Stuff about saving her, and somebody help her, and a lot of deep noooos" Light smirked. Hope didn't have to fake being embarassed. "Well, last night's dinner must have disagreed or something, because I have no memory of any of that."

Lightning shook her head, rubbing Tersel's cheek absently. "Sure, kid. sure."

They were all walking over to the hospital when Hope noticed a strange looking man across the street, down a back alley. He stuck out like a sore thumb in his strangely antiquated clothing and big blue battle staff. He definitely didn't look fit to use it. Hope hung back, not exactly eager to reach Serah and her newborn, sure that Light would somehow coerce him into holding her, and then scold him for not minding her head, so he waved the others on and crossed the street. The man seemed to be subconsciously calling to him, drawing him close. It was severely disconcerting.

Lightning watched him go, and felt a whiff of magic in the air. she frowned, brows furrowed as she went inside with the baby. As soon as she could she'd come back out to check on him. Things didn't feel right.

"You're a strapping young lad, then." the man smiled, showing perfectly flawless teeth. There was a glint of something familiar in his golden eyes, but Hope couldn't quite place it.

"Quite a nice staff you've got there. Know how to use one?' Hope took it from the man's proferring hand reverently, spinning it and making a few sparks of healing magic sprout from both ends.

"Of course I do, boy. Why else would I be carrying it around?" the man took it back and closed his eyes in brief concentration. a flow of dark black magic spewed out from the bottom, like spilled ink. Hope leapt back with a yelp, but his feet were already stuck in the muck. It pulled down, down down and he had nothing to grab hold of. the man was laughing now.

"Just go with the magic, Hope. it won't hurt you. It's part of you, how could it?"

"Who are you and why are you doing this?" Hope demanded, giving up struggling, but seething with anger at not being given a choice.

"Consider me a friend of Fang's. I am Professor Lancaster, and I know a thing or two about magic." the black liquid had become a darkness all around them, and Hope experienced the sensation of floating. He could see Professor Lancaster leaning back a bit in thin air, reclining.

"Fang? What does she have to do with anything? She turned Ragnarok with Vanille, I saw it!"

"And so she did. Quite a noble deed, and maybe a bit less lonely the second time around, when she had company."

Hope looked away. It was disturbing how much this man seemed to know. He obviously knew a thing or two about his relationship with Vanille.

"So...what do you want me for? To tell me something? give me a message?"

Professor Lancaster shook his head. "I'm here to answer your questions as best as I am able, dear boy. It's the least i can do. and in a way, the most I can do, given the cycle."

Hope's head hurt. He could ask anything, but he'd have to be careful.

"Is...is time travel possible?"

professor Lancaster's eyes lit up. "In a way, yes. but it is not as straight forward as you think it is."

Hope was about to ask what he meant, but held back. He had other things he needed to know.

"Is...is Vanille still alive?" his heart skipped a beat even before the Professor answered. The older man heaved a great sigh and ran a hand over his face.

"In another time, in another place, yes, my boy she lives still." Hope's face lit up, then fell in the space of around 3 seconds. It was a cryptic answer, and had been said with sadness, not anything positive. He looked away, trying to hide his disappointment.

"You loved her, I see. It is a pure, pure love, the strongest magic there is. And I've seen my share of magic." the Professor managed a weak smile. Hope didn't answer. "I'd like to go back now."

Lancaster sighed again. "Is that all you wished to know?"

"Yes. Now bring me back please."

"No use getting cross with me, boy, it isn't my fault. I'm just doing what I was told to, you must understand-"

"There is nothing in this world for me without her." Hope nearly choked out the words, but there they were, loud in the eerie silence of the magical night. "If you can even begin to understand what it's like, knowing I can be with her, no matter how crazy the chances...you would know why I don't want to talk to you anymore."

the older man's eyes had gone soft, studying the young man before him with a new light. something akin to sympathy. "Understood. I shan't bother you any further. Go in peace."

the darkness filtered away like a misty fog, and Hope was once more standing on the street in front of the hospital. Lightning was leaning against the wall, her arms crossed, staring at both of them, not in the least disturbed by their sudden reappearance_._

Hope gave the Professor an acknowledging nod and left, allowing Light to escort him back inside the hospital, her eyes shooting darts at the old man.

"Seek, and you shall find." he said quietly, and started walking back up the road.

Lightning stayed quiet until they were feet away from Serah's room. "Did that have anything to do with Vanille?"

"Who?"

Lightning could only watch in shock as Hope continued into the room, greeting everyone and acting like everything was ok.

_I see what you're doing, Hope... Trust me, it's not gonna work..._


	5. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: Here it is, a little early. I killed myself trying to work out the logistic sense of this chapter, and I wouldn't be surprised if there's a weirdness somewhere to it, but hey, I tried. I bow down to the great people who take time and review! I cherish those 5 seconds you give of your time, trust me. lol. Also, does anyone know a forum or community dedicated to these two? I've tried so hard to find a place to interact with people who like Vanille/Hope as much as I do, to no avail. A nice active little spot with fanart, fanfics, and fanvids all gathered together would be ideal. And if there isn't one, who wants to start one? I'm totally down! hehe. PM me or review with links if you'd like. And without further ado...enjoy!**

* * *

**_Chapter 3_**

Vanille was completely taken aback by the beauty of the PSICOM headquarters. everything had been preserved, but magic had somehow made it more inviting and vastly beautiful. Her guards led her to the front pavilion, which was surrounded by empty space, where small hoverpads circled with troops practicing drills on each one in sets of 5. It was amazing.

"Oerba Dia Vanille?" a tall dark-skinned man with a beard approached her, dressed in a white robe-like outfit. there were shots of white peppered throughout his beard, and a kindness in his brown eyes. He was too young to be Sazh, but just right to be be Dahj.

She bowed once, from the waist. "Yes, Magister."

There was silence as the older man observed her for a bit longer, then he seemed to sag with relief and waved away her guards.

"She is no threat to us. Leave us." the guards all bowed and retreated back to the ship. The older man put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"I'm sure you have a lot of questions that need answering, First Vanille."

"First...? I-er-"

the man chuckled. "It will all be explained, gods willing. My father has been living this long just so he could tell you himself, stubborn old man."

Vanille's eyes lit up. "So you are Dahj!" without further delay she enveloped the man in a big hug. He laughed again, big and booming and hugged her back, almost completely losing her within the folds of his robe.

"Indeed I am, little one. Much older then you probably remember, but it is still me."

"It's so confusing, all this...but to just see a familiar face...it helps me feel a lot better." she smiled and followed Dahj as he led her into the main halls of the facility.

"Well I am glad. There have been others who succumbed to the confusion, and never saw past their own madness. There is hope for you yet."

Vanille stayed quiet, contemplating this. Others...could he possibly be talking about Fang?

"Here we are. My father's personal apartments. He has requested you stay with him for the duration. He has much to tell you and too little time to tell it in. You will understand soon enough."

Vanille nodded, worry creasing her face as the doors opened out onto a lavish apartment. She could see someone was sitting in a lounge chair facing the balcony that looked out on the training pavilion. Dahj encouraged her forward.

"Sazh...?" she said a bit shakily, afraid to see how much this particular friend had aged. They'd been through so much together...And to know it now amounted to nothing more then an eyeblink to him...it left her with confusing thoughts.

"Who's that?" the chair turned and she saw how time had deeply ravaged her dearest friend. Sazh's hair was now entirely white, and shorn close to his head. wrinkles completely changed the look of his face, but his eyes were the same, quick-witted and bright with life.

"It's me! Oh, Sazh, It's me, Vanille!" she knelt in front of him and took his gnarled hands, tears coming quickly to her eyes.

"Is it? After all this time..." he reached out and touched her head, one of her ponytails, and caught one of her tears.

"Better late then never, I say." he chuckled. Vanille leapt forward and hugged him fiercely, but delicately. He gave a stifled grunt but hugged her back as firmly as he could.

"Be gentle! I'm going on 90, child!" he was still laughing as she sat back, tears rimming his own eyes.

"You're still Sazh to me!" Vanille chirped, returning to her place on the floor.

"Alright then, to business. I haven't much longer..." Sazh's eyes grew unfocused for a second before he was able to smile at Vanille.

"Going by the timeline, you've just barely woken up, haven't you?"

she nodded. "I woke up and no one was there, Fang was gone, and I didn't know where I was. So I tried to find the others, and only managed to get Hope, who told me I had to come see you."

"Sounds like the typical hot potato, passing on the trouble to someone else." Sazh nodded. "What did you discover when you found Hope?"

Vanille frowned, confused. "Discover? I-"

"Yes, what did you learn about him, or yourself?"

her eyes narrowed. "I learned I didn't belong here. That I have to go back, and that you're going to show me how."

"Is that all?" Sazh was watching her closely, his right hand twitching with rheumatism. It had been a long time since he'd handled any sort of weapon, or wielded any kind of magic. Vanille was beginning to doubt his lucidity.

She nodded slowly, not trusting herself to speak of anything else. Her heart still hurt from it all.

The old man sighed and folded his hands to stop the tremors. He still hated to show weakness, she noted.

"Very good. So I guess I should start explaining how that stuff works, huh?" she didn't answer, just watched him closely.

"Don't look at me like that, like I did something wrong." he snapped, and she looked away, hurt.

"Ah, I'm sorry Vanille...It's been so long...I'd forgotten after a while you'd still be so young. Forgive me."

She nodded, looking at him again.

"Anyway. For you to go back. Yeah. Well to start off, you know there are different types of magic, yes?"

She nodded again, her ponytails bouncing as she counted off on her fingers. "Mechanical, Synergetic, Elemental, and Healing." Sazh smiled. "Good, good, you remember! Okay then, I'm about to rock your world. there's a fifth type of magic."

Her eyes widened slightly. "Yup. a fifth kind of magic that deals with the power one finds in the heart and soul. It's called Anima magic."

Sazh cleared his throat before continuing. "Anima magic is one of the most unstable forms of magic I have yet come across, and it's deadly hard to control. Even I never managed it, in my time. But it's the strongest kind of magic there is. Research is showing that it might have even been the driving force behind the fal'Cie. the Remnant Anima magic of the gods themselves."

Vanille gasped.

"It is with this type of magic that you will be able to return to where you belong, Vanille. I will attempt to show you and train you in it's tendencies, so you can find your way back, but I promise nothing. In the end, Anima magic is soley based on the strength of your heart and the conviction of your soul."

"But what if I can't control it? What if I don't even have any Anima magic?" she blurted worriedly.

Sazh raised a hand to silence her. "Everyone has it to some capacity. those with strong hearts and pure souls hold more power then others, but everyone possesses it to some degree. Right now, I possess more Anima magic inside of me then anyone alive today, and that was achieved through meditation and training."

She nodded. "So how do I wield mine?"

"Ah, now comes the tricky part." Sazh adjusted himself on the lounge chair and leaned forward, whispering. "Think of the one thing your heart most desires...the one thing you cannot bear to live without...the one thing that makes your heart soar and your soul sing..."

Vanille closed her eyes and concentrated. almost with no effort, images of Hope floated to the topmost of her memories and hung there like bright crystals. Her body felt like it was floating, and an intense heat was beginning to pool in her palms. Soon the vague smoky memories took clearer form, and she began to hear his voice. She remembered his scent, and it floated through the air, making the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end. The heat in her hands was becoming unbearable.

"Excellent! On your first try, too! Impressive!" Sazh clapped from some far away place she didn't want to return to, but knew she must. releasing the pent up energy created purely of images of Hope, the heat dissipated and her body felt much less bouyant. She pouted as the magic went away. It had an almost addictive pull to it. And it was distinct from her Healing, Elemental, and Synergetic magic. It didn't draw on her capacity for magic, but from her body itself. She felt a bit tired and lightheaded, swaying slightly.

"That was amazing..." she breathed. Sazh cracked a grin. "It's somethin' else, huh? Pure, unadultarated power. I've never seen such an abrubt manifestation before! I won't pry and ask what your inspiration was, but it must have been founded on a pure emotion."

"Now." Sazh fiddled with a ring on his finger, removing it, then putting it back on, then removing it again, giving it a deft little twist. his body seemed to tremble for a split second and he stood up with almost no effort. Vanille leapt up to help him, but he waved her away. "I'll be fine for a while now. This practice requires some energy."

He sat, legs folded in front of the open balcony window, and beckoned her to join him.

"For your first lesson, we will practice focusing your Anima on one thing at a time."

And so they practiced. and practiced, and practiced. For nearly two weeks she learned how to manipulate her Anima magic, in ways stemming from focusing it into little pinpricks of power, to vast circles that included many subjects. The exercises always left her slightly dizzy, and once or twice the bigger assignments had made her physically ill from fatigue. But Sazh would always continue on once she'd recovered. She'd always been a bit tougher then your average girl, thanks to a life spent hunting for food, but even that couldn't prepare her for the physical strain of controlling this foreign power. She grew callous and strong in mind and body. She was growing up, and wasn't entirely sure she liked it.

"It's almost a pity Fang couldn't be your teacher." Sazh commented one day as they ate a sparse dinner of rice and lentils. "If anyone knew the depths of Anima magic, she did."

Vanille felt her whole body tense. Fang. She still hadn't entirely forgiven her for leaving, but the need to see her old friend was borderline painful. "So you met her then? In this time?"

Sazh shook his head. "It was a long time ago, over 30 years now. I saw her briefly after she'd woken up and gone to seek Hope, same as you had. She's the one who told me about Anima magic. I learned the basics from her, the rest I had to discover on my own. But she told me it was very important that I keep practicing."

"Did she ever tell you why?"

Sazh shrugged. "She was different then, a lot different then you remember, I'm sure. She seemed a lot more serious and worried, like she knew something was going to happen and there was nothing she could do to stop it."

Vanille nodded. it almost made sense. Fang had always been worried about her, and once she wasn't around to protect her anymore, it was the logical conclusion that she'd find a way to try anyway.

"I see her sometimes, in my dreams. She tells me things but then I can never remember them. Bugs the hell outta me." Sazh stabbed at his rice with the chopsticks in frustration. Vanille watched him with concern.

"Don't let it bother you. they're only dreams. Maybe you DO remember, and just end up doing the things she says anyway, just subconsciously."

Sazh nodded. "Yeah, that might be it. At least, I hope it is. I'm too old for this..."

Vanille patted his back comfortingly and took his empty bowl and hers to the kitchen. He watched her go and sighed.

"Sometimes I wish you could just stay here. But Hope would never forgive me if you did."

Vanille pretended not to hear him as she washed the bowls at the sink, but she slowly digested the gravity of his words. It was the first time she'd ever considered staying put to be an option.

"Why would he never forgive you?" she asked cautiously, testing the waters.

Sazh settled into his lounge chair facing the dark training grounds, where only a few die-hard soldiers continued their sessions by electric light. He admired their dedication.

"If I may speak freely, you're too important to him. He feels like you've missed out on true happiness."

"True happiness? You mean...the life I could have led if I hadn't become Ragnarok with Fang."

Sazh nodded. "Exactly. He sees this as taking fate into his own hands, and giving you back the life that has always been yours."

Vanille sat quietly in the chair beside his own, fumbling with her bracelets. She missed her old Oerbian outfit. It had been through so much, and it felt strange to be so covered up in the simple yoga pants and loose top she'd been given to train in.

"A life that has always been mine..." she liked how the words felt on her tongue, powerful and possessive. She didn't know entirely what this life would be like, but she was ready to search for it. Fight for it. Live for it.

Sazh watched her intently. "I think you're ready to go, Vanille. I've already kept you far too long already. There are a few things I have to tell you before you try, however. One is, you only get one chance. Odds are you will never find this exact time period again. There is no practice for it. You simply must be as prepared as possible."

Vanille nodded, not meeting his eyes, but listening intently. Tears threatened to fall from her eyes as she felt his gnarled hand cover her own in comradeship.

"Secondly. You must know with your entire heart and soul where and when it is you want to go. If your heart is for any reason unsure, or unfocused, you will not reach the proper time, and there are dire consequences to that, of course. To make a mistake and have to travel through the Bridge Between again is to severely tax the limits of your body. Living things aren't made to be so stretched and twisted. Every time you make a mistake, you're taking off years from your life. If you make too many, you will literally fall apart, unable to exist with a form so disjointed. It is not a pleasant death."

Her heart sped up at his words as real fear suddenly ignited inside of her. She'd never considered using her Anima magic to be dangerous before. But hearing that it could kill her terrified her.

"Lastly...or at least, foremostly, for I'm sure there's a lot more even i don't know yet. You will see things during your journey through the Bridge Between that don't make sense...at least not yet. You will see visions of other journies, other futures, some not your own, some yours if you had made different choices. It will be confusing, and is meant to distract your heart. You musn't let it."

Sazh's face was troubled as he spoke, and his breathing became ragged. Vanille squeezed his hand a bit tighter, worry plain on her face. He pressed on anyway.

"I fear...I fear Fang has succumbed to the Bridge. given in to her baser instincts and chosen to exist within it forever. If this is so, she's lost her corporeal body. She's a spirit, and she hasn't found her peace yet. Promise me...promise me if you see her, you will tell her it's alright...to let go..."

Sazh succumbed to a coughing fit that left him breathless and weak. Dahj and several Healers were called and he was taken away while Vanille watched, panic-stricken. "Remember...what I said...Be safe..." he wheezed as the stretcher was taken to the hospital wing of the facility.

_Everything is being taken from me. Everything...and everyone. I can't stand it anymore! I don't want to be here without them!_

She held in the tears until everyone had left her alone in the apartment. then she broke down and cried, long and hard, harder then she ever had, save for when she'd found Fang had forgiven her for her lies, nearly 500 years ago. Tears fell like liquid crystals onto the carpet, beautiful in their sadness. She managed to get herself out onto the balcony, looking out over the seemingly bottomless expanse below her. It cleared her head somewhat, and her tears abated.

_I don't belong here anymore...I don't belong...here...anymore..."_I don't belong here anymore!"

she cried out once, then fell to the ground of the balcony, drained, and scared of what she was about to do.

She took up her typical meditation stance, pictured Hope as clearly as she could in her mind, guesstimating what he'd look like at her age, at 19. Everything else was shoved away. Sazh, Fang, Lightning, Snow, Serah...Aren...There was only Hope. Hope was all she had.

And like a cloud bursting open and shedding rain, she released her power, and journeyed to the Bridge Between...for the first time...


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: Hello again my friends. ^_^ well, I just finished my first week of my sophomore year of college wooohooo! lol. But, because I was so incredibly busy, I wasn't able to write any more of this story beyond this chapter. So it might be more then a week before I'm able to update again. But, with that said, i think this is a very good place to cut off, since it's kind of the end of "Act 1" (note how the chapter number finally corresponds to the chapter title) and could be the end of the story if I was a cruel sadistic human being. But I'm not. hehe. I'm a nice human being who likes to write this story as much as you like to read it. SO hopefully the wait won't be TOO long. Enjoy! Oh, and, I love Vanille, I hate doing this stuff to her, so I'm eventually going to make it up to her somehow. lol.**

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_**chapter 6**_

_**I-Discoveries**

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_

The darkness was profound. The silence made her feel like she'd gone deaf. There was nothing, nothing, nothing.

This lasted for a long time, or at least it felt like a long time, she couldn't be sure, with no way to gauge the passage of time. Her heart thudded against her chest and a tingly feeling crept up her spine. Fear. Pure, pure fear. Eternity in this black hole was the worst fate imaginable. Without flowers, or colors or sunlight...or Hope.

as soon as she thought of him again, colors started to pierce the blackness, lights popped out of no where and she was blinded by the confusion of sights and sounds.

As if from some long forgotten story she'd heard once, she remembered Sazh telling her to remain focused, no matter what happened. scrambling, she tried to picture the slightly aged Hope in her mind's eye once more. He was taller, and his face a bit longer, maybe with a bit of greyish stubble on his chin, but his eyes were still bright, and his hands were still big. Like puppy's paws.

She smiled, not realizing she'd closed her eyes. Confident she could hang on to the picture, she opened them slightly...and immediately wished she hadn't.

Her image seemed to be everywhere, up in the sky, below her, in between, different scenes flashing by on their own like a slide reel on a comm screen. She'd never seen anything like it. Her attention was divided, unsure of where to look. She managed to glimpse one scene of her and Fang together as children, playfighting in a field. Vanille hurt Fang by accident, and she stormed off, enraged. Another scene showed her and Hope when he was still young, seemingly fixing up one of the abandoned huts in Oerba. Yet another scene caught her eye because Hope wasn't in it at all. It was just her, kneeling with her hands in the praying position and crying. She noticed almost too late the small grave marker on the ground. Another scene caught her eye and she couldn't read the headstone. Fang was now older, around 19, yelling at their foster mother. the woman looked terrified, but Fang wasn't backing down.

One scene she watched for a long time, because it had Hope in it at around the age she sought, sitting on a bed next to her and holding her close. they were both looking at something with love in their eyes, but she couldn't see what it was. Regretfully, she tore her eyes away and kept watching the flashing pictures go by.

Another vision showed Snow and Lightning sitting together on a porch, looking like lovers watching the sun go down. Yet another scene was of Hope continuing to hack at a monster's carcass, even after it was dead, insanity in his eyes. Vanille finally shut them all out. It was too much. She'd have to face it all later.

For now, all she needed was Hope. and here, in the relative darkness and quiet of her own mind, she found him, smiling and happy to see her, to take her into his arms and hold her forever.

"You're really sure that's what you want?"

the voice was piercingly familiar, deep and sarcastic, with an accent no one but citizens of Oerba possessed. Vanille ignored it, thinking the Bridge was playing yet more games with her head.

"He's not that great, you know. Just some kid who got himself caught into some bad stuff. You being gone has ruined his life. He'll never be what you want him to be. OPEN YOUR EYES!"

the last words boomed as if they were screamed in her ear and her eyes flew open. No one was there. the scenes were all still playing, each one gaudier or more disturbing then the next to catch her eye. She suddenly felt a hand on her shoulder. Normally, she would have shrieked with surprise, but not now. She knew exactly who it was.

"You were always my little girl, Vanille. My baby. No one else understood what was best for you. They were always trying to mess things up! All I wanted was to protect you, keep you safe and happy. Do you really think THAT." here the image of Hope manifested itself into one of the scenes, so 3 dimensional she could almost touch him- "Is going to keep you safe? Keep you happy?"

Vanille turned, pushing Fang's hand off her shoulder. It was disorienting to move when every surface denied being solid, and she almost lost her footing. But she stood firm, her jaw set.

"He'll keep me safer and happier then you ever did." her words were cold, and Fang was obviously shocked, but she struggled to hide it.

"How can you say that? I'm your best friend! I came into this nightmare for YOU!"

Vanille shook her head. "You came into this nightmare to try and make things right, like you always do. Why couldn't you have let things be after the first time? You could have been happy! We all could have!"

Fang paced like a caged panther. a scene of her slapping Vanille when they were younger for lying played on behind her. It made the younger girl wince. She'd never learned that particular lesson. Lies were all too easy to use.

"I can help you, Fang. All you have to do is let go. Believe I'll be happy with Hope, and you'll finally find peace."

"There is no peace for me anymore. I sacrificed my peace the day I dragged you with me into the void to become that monstrosity..."

"You forget? I did it because I chose to. No one dragged me anywhere!-"

"You felt bound to me! Bound by friendship! You felt it was your duty-!"

"I felt it was the right thing to do to save COCOON, Fang! To right the wrong I made all those years ago!"

"Stop it! Stop all of it! I'm tired of your lies!" and with that, Fang dissapeared, just melting into one of the scenes already playing and losing all sentience. Everything was simply playbacks of different futures, pasts, and presents. Vanille bit her lip and choked down the urge to cry. She was done crying. She allowed anger at her best friend to seep slowly into her blood. Guilt never solved anything, of that, she was certain. Living with it just made things worse.

She frantically remembered to stay focused on Hope again, but by then it was almost too late. the first image she chose -one of him at 14, the last time she'd seen him young- jumped up and came into focus as all the other scenes dissolved.

She didn't have time to whisper a curse before she was spat out of the Bridge into the wrong world.

* * *

_**II-The roads never traveled**

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_

It hurt this time. She felt like there were pins and needles being pressed into every inch of exposed skin as she drifted in the darkness. Being pushed and pulled and stabbed in a million different ways. It was horrible.

But after a while, she grew accustomed to it. This must be what Fang had been trying to explain to her when she'd gotten her coming of age tribal tattoo. A pain you could get used to. A pain you could phase out of your mind.

She'd never gotten her tattoo. She probably never would now. It had never bothered her before, because she'd never been a fan of voluntarily putting herself in pain, but now she realized the rite for what it was. It had been the tribe's way of telling everyone you were a grown-up. That you could make your own decisions and your own destiny.

She'd never grow up.

She tried again, a bit more feebly this time, as the pain still distracted her, to picture Hope older. Somehow, the effort prompted the images again, of pasts, presents and futures that were, would never be, and could be hers. She tensed a little, expecting to feel the brush of Fang's presence again, but she didn't return.

This journey seemed to last a lot longer then the first, Made all the more unbearable thanks to the odd sensation all over her skin. Her heart was beating so hard, like a frightened bird held captive by a cat, just waiting for it's life to be over.

The images flashing by were the only diversion she had. They seemed to stay put for longer whenever she focused on one, and so she did so.

One seemed to be of a world where Cocoon had never existed, and Gran Pulse flourished with both animal and human life. She'd never met Hope, or Snow, or Lightning, or any of them. Fang ended up marrying a local village boy and taking Vanille into their new hut as their surrogate daughter until she earned her tattoo. They made a happy scene, decorating the small building with bric a brac they'd acquired during hunts, Vanille watching Fang with her beau and not being jealous at all.

She turned away from the picture, unable to even think of a life without Hope.

The next one was of the day Hope had been born. Unable to fathom why this memory was included in her personal Bridge, she watched, intrigued. Norah looked overjoyed as she carried the little bundle down the steps, with her husband beside her. After 4 years having difficulty conceiving, she finally had a son. He literally was her only Hope. Vanille reached out a hand and tried to touch the image, frowning as it rippled away from her fingertips.

Happiness. That's all she'd ever wanted. But all her true happiness had been stolen from her, thanks to the fal'Cie. She didn't know where she belonged anymore. She searched her heart again, feebly trying to find that true light that led her, that kept her going, and she found it, flickering and weak.

_A life that has always been mine..._

She had no real way of knowing which one it was, out of all the pictures around her now, but she knew somehow she'd find it. She'd search until she couldn't search anymore, simply because she knew deep inside that she deserved to be happy at last.

The time spent in the Bridge Between seemed to take days, but she never knew hunger or discomfort beyond the nagging pain. She started to talk to herself, if only to break the deafening silence. Talking to the images in front of her, that were slowly driving her mad with desire.

"I wanted to tell you. Tell you about Fang's dream and how I thought I'd never find you, and how happy I was...but I didn't. I couldn't." she sighed as she watched her very first interaction with Hope play on. The awkward smile. His hesitating shyness. Her forward embrace.

"You'd think I was crazy...but it seems you thought I was crazy anyway." she chuckled a bit as she watched her younger self run off, and Hope follow after.

"He wasn't raised like we were. To have no secrets and love our fellow clan members like our own."

the voice was distant, and Fang didn't materialize, but it still annoyed Vanille that she'd been listening. It was like messages from the Chocobo Gallery, opinions that were unwanted and unasked for.

"No, but he came to understand in the end. He changed so much." pride tinged her voice as she watched Hope flash across yet another scene from her past, looking much more confident and stronger then the previous. It was their last stand with Barthandelus in Oerba. The Beginning of the End.

"Be careful. Your Bridge is ending again." Fang's voice was nothing but a whisper in her ear, but she heeded it, focusing once more on Hope, this time phasing down, from when he was an older man, to the age she wanted. She hadn't quite hit 19 when the Bridge abruptly ended, and she was thrown bodily from the void.

By now, she'd grown accustomed to making mistakes.

* * *

**_III-Acceptance of Fate_**

* * *

This time, she'd anticipated pain, but not this much. It was like her atoms were being systematically sliced open, healed, and sliced open over and over again in rapid succession. For every 3 seconds of searing pain there would be 1 second of numbing peace. It was strange and absolutely horrifying.

The darkness was all she had for what felt like a good long while. She could focus on nothing else but her pain and her despair. She felt sick with it, but was unable to be ill, to expel the awfulness that seemed to be consuming her inside this gods-forsaken realm between.

Soon, her vision began to be tinged with red and purple, colors she'd never seen in such vivid form before...Orphan's Cradle. She was suddenly lying in a crumpled, disheveled heap in the middle of hexagonal platforms that seemed to float in midair, suspended by nothing but strange other-worldly beings and their magic.

They were dressed in what seemed to be light armor, plates of gold and silver mixed with flowing gauzy material. Their faces were half-covered by formidable looking helms. She couldn't bring herself to study them too closely, it hurt too much to keep her eyes open.

One raised it's magical staff, and a burst of something green came from it and settled over her, like a blanket. Immediately, her pain lessened a fraction.

"Thank...you..." she gasped, recovering enough to nod in gratitude at the emotionless figure.

"I hoped I'd never see you again, little one." Fang's voice was one she hadn't expected to hear, but wasn't unduly surprised at.

"I hoped we'd meet again...but not this way...not here..." Vanille grunted as she sat up on one arm, rubbing at the residual prickles of pain running up her wrists. Tears she'd probably shed while lost within the blackness of pain had dried and left her cheeks feeling sticky.

"It's beginning. Your body is starting to reject the journey." Fang knelt and helped her sit up the rest of the way, brushing a strand of orange hair from her face tenderly. Her anger from before seemed to have abated. Vanille was still a bit annoyed, but didn't have the strength to hold on to the hatred. Her heart wouldn't have allowed it anyway.

"I have to find him. You don't understand how important he is to me!" she whimpered helplessly, swatting at her eyes in case more tears came.

"I understand what it is to feel that someone else is more important then yourself." Fang's eyes held nothing but kindness and maybe...sympathy? "You will find him. That much has been pre-ordained by The Maker. The questions of when and how...those are up to you, Vanille. You answer them when you're ready. When your heart is sure, and your need is true."

"I-" Vanille fell silent in disbelief. Fang smiled at her reaction and patted her back comfortingly, like she used to do when Vanille had felt bad about something.

"All of this...it was never your fault. It wasn't your burden to bear. In a sense, it wasn't mine either, but you chose to bear it with me. I see that now. And I know that all I ever really wanted was to make it right. To make your choice mean something."

"Fang-"

"No, I have to say this. I know now that there are some things even I can't chose your own fate. And now, you can choose again. All i can do is help you make the right choice."

Vanille bit her lip to keep it from trembling with unshed tears, then threw herself at the older woman, holding her close as if she'd never let go.

"Choose happiness. Choose love. Choose light." Fang whispered as they embraced. And suddenly, Vanille's mind was filled with pictures of Hope as she'd never seen him before. Young, but old enough to be hers, Embracing her, kissing her, Holding hands with her as they walked along a street, Celebrating with her and the others, Holding her at night, when her dreams wouldn't let her rest, and being there to pick her up when she fell down.

There was a swooping feeling in her stomach, and she opened her eyes. Fang was gone. The platform and the strange creatures were gone as well. It was dark again, but not the endless dark filled with pain.

It was the dark of night, just before the breaking of a new dawn...


	7. Chapter 9

**_Author's Note: Thank you SO MUCH for bearing with me during this long drought of writing. Schoolwork has kept me CRAZY busy and I've only been able to squeeze in a few lines or two into this chapter over the past few weeks. I finally found time today to finish it up. I'm not entirely happy with it, but I think it sets everything in place that it needs to, and allows the story to move forward. I'm pretty sure there's a typo or two somewhere, since I wasn't able to proof-read this 3 times like I usually do, so forgive me! the next chapter should be up within the next 2 weeks if time permits._**

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**Chapter 9**

Hope Estheim scribbled on the paperwork in front of him, not really able to concentrate on the tedious task of keeping his business up and running. The fun had left decades ago. Now, it was nothing more then a thirst for routine that kept him at it. He could have easily gotten one of the secretaries to do it for him, but there was something about tasting supreme power, you can never really trust anyone else with anything again.

"It's been a long day, sir. Nearing dinnertime now. You sure you don't want me to finish up the invoices, or at least file away tomorrow's pile-?" the new intern chirped from his little corner desk. Hope sighed. "No, no, Jeren, that won't be necessary. I can handle it. Thank you."

He ran a hand absently through his naturally silvered hair, grown out in a sudden longing for the days of his youth. No one had the heart to tell him the boyish cut didn't suit his lined and careworn features.

"Dad. give it a rest. you've been working overtime every day this past month. You'll wear yourself out." the familiar voice trickled over from a distance, more specifically, the door to the office. The young man was Aren, now 25 years old. He'd inherited all of his father's boyish good looks, and his mother's kind eyes and freckled skin. The green of his gaze always proved disconcerting for Hope, and he always found it difficult to maintain eye contact. "Hmph. So you say." he grumbled, stroking his chin and feeling a light stubble.

Aren spread out his parcel on the low coffee table next to the chaise lounge and chair in the office Hope kept for guests. It was dinner, dragged all the way from their high rise apartment in the city. Aren had even brought the crystal flutes Hope had inherited from Nora when his father passed away, cushioned between luxuriously thick napkins.

"What's all this then?" he got up, invoices forgotten.

Aren gave a small, sad little smile as he set up the silverware and plates next to the champagne flutes.

"It's dinner. You've missed it for so long I decided it was best if I brought it to you. And, today is a bit different then the others..." he trailed off cryptically.

"This is absolute ridiculousness. and what do you mean, today is different?" Hope felt a rush of panic in his throat. Was it his birthday? Was it an anniversary of some sort? Aren's birthday? had they landed the new firm everyone was worried about and no one had told him? The suspense was killing him. He sat on the chaise lounge in front of his set of silverware. Jeren, the intern slowly snuck out the office door with a feeble little wave only Aren seemed to notice.

"Today is the day she left...Mom. I thought you of all people would remember that." Aren said gently, serving Hope from the hotplate. the steam rose up and clouded the older man's glasses, but he didn't even notice. his jaw had gone slack and his light grey eyes sad.

"I know you'd probably prefer to forget, but it's the only day I can sort of remember...I was only a baby but I remember sounds, smells. It's all I have left of her..." Aren was avoiding Hope's eyes, but it didn't hide the shine in them.

"Aren..." Hope reached out a hand to pat his son on the back, but the young man pulled away.

"Ever since she left you've been trying so hard to act like it's okay. But I can read you like a book. You've been hurting more then anybody. You're just afraid to admit it. Light tells me you tried to do this before, and it didn't work. What's make you think it'll work now?"

"I'm not acting like she never existed, Aren. I was young and foolish back then. But there is little else to do but try and move on. I can't spend my life mourning. Besides, I plan to do something about it anyway."

"Do something? About what? You can't bring her back."

"No..." Hope grew quiet. He started to eat the food before it got cold and rebutted all of Aren's further questioning with stony silence. They'd just finished the meal and Hope was helping him clear up when a guard burst into the silent and dimly lit office.

"Sir! There's a young woman out front who's demanding to see a Hope Estheim. I told her I'd have to check with you first. She's being very difficult, sir, we're about to send for more officers."

Hope's heart leapt into his throat. A difficult woman? Surely not...

"Don't do that. She's an old friend. bring her up please." the guard saluted and left. Aren stared after him dubiously.

"Old friend? Young woman? Dad, what-"

"You should go now."

"I really don't think that's a good-"

"You've done what you needed to do. I think it's time you left."

"But-"

"Please, Aren. Don't fight me anymore and just go home. Trust me. This once."

Hope's eyes were placating, hands out in helplessness. Right then he looked just like an old man who had nothing, asking simply for forgiveness. Aren sighed and picked up the light hamper, giving his father's arm a gentle but firm squeeze before heading out to the elevators. "See you at the house."

Hope nodded and watched him go, then flopped onto the chaise lounge, his heartburn already flaring up with worry. The guard took his sweet time coming back upstairs, or rather, was having a tough time of handling whomever it was he was escorting. In either case, Hope got tired of waiting.

Finally, the door flew open and an irate Fang stumbled into the room, followed by the grumpy looking guard.

"Here she is, sir. says her name is Oerba Yun Fang. Cheeky thing. Would you prefer an escort to remain with you while she visits?"

"And escort? You must be new here. Treat a lady with a little more respect and maybe they wouldn't feel the need to beat you over the head!" she lunged threateningly with her lance, and the guard retreated back a step with a yelp. "Sir! Please!"

"Fang. That's enough. I'm the one you came for, so I'd appreciate it if you stopped harassing my men."

Hope pushed back a stray lock of silver bangs and walked over to the scantily clad figure by the door. the guard hastily left once her eyes met Hope's.

It was strange...it felt like not so long ago, Fang had towered over him, made him feel small and insignificant. How her battle prowess made him look like an untrained whelpling in comparison, and how terrifyingly beautiful she'd been. And still was. The face looking at him with something akin to frustration was just as unlined and beautiful as it had been when she'd left, nearly 28 years ago. She was still, in form, a 21 year old girl. And another thing hadn't changed. Hope was still a bit afraid of her.

"How long has it been?" she asked briskly, resting her lance against the chair closest to the door. Hope didn't answer for a moment, desperately trying to arrange his thoughts. She smelled wild and uncontrollable, but there was still something there that reminded him of Vanille...

"Answer me old man!"

That jolted him from his reverie. "About 28 years give or take since you became crystal and saved Cocoon." he said it mechanically, like he'd read it off a paper.

She frowned, brows furrowed. "Only 28, huh. That means I have time..."

An idea was beginning to form in Hope's mind. Hopefully she was receptive to it...

"Where's Vanille?" he framed the question innocently, as if he truly didn't know.

Fang's face took a shadowy cast as she frowned. the look in her eyes said it all.

"I don't know. She wasn't with me when i woke up inside the crystal chamber of the Bridge...She might've been moved..."

Hope smiled. "You dirty old man, you know where they took her, don't you? Where is she!"

Hope kept smiling, shaking his head. "You might be old now, but I'm not above knocking your block off for some answers, kid!" she hefted her spear threateningly.

"Easy, easy." Hope sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "She's in a shrine near the Bridge, not far from the Capital."

Fang lowered her spear. 'Why was she taken from me?" the posessiveness in her tone made Hope bristle. It made Vanille sound like property, instead of a person, a principle he simply couldn't accept.

"Because of me. I had her moved. Do you intend to punish an old, heartsick man for such a thing?"

Fang's grimace slowly dissipated."No...I'm not that cruel. Besides, I more than anyone knew what you meant to her. It makes sense that you'd feel the same, even after all this time..." tears seemed to well up in Fang's crystal clear eyes and Hope lowered his own, a bit unwilling to see such a strong woman in such agony. How he wished he could make everything better...

_Soon, soon, my love. I promise..._

"Could I...could I go and see her?" Fang's voice was low and broken, as if her spirit had been broken upon realizing Hope still loved Vanille, still cared for her, even though so much of his own life had passed. Humbled by the sentiment, and wishing she had it herself...

"Of course. the shrine is under 24 hour guard as mandated by the capital, but I can send word for the men to expect you."

Fang turned away, disgraced in her tears, and trying desperately to contain her sobs. Hope sighed and stepped closer. She didn't turn and attack, so he took another step. Before another second had passed, Fang was in his arms, weeping openly against his chest.

"She was my world! She was all I had left! How can this have happened? We swore we'd always be together!" her cries were broken, and Hope held her as tightly as he dared, lending her strength borne from years of bearing just such outrage and pain.

"She's going to wake up one day, Fang. She's going to be lost and confused...Even more time will have passed, and she's going to need someone. It can't be me. It has to be you. It can only be you."

Fang pulled herself together relatively quickly, her face red, but dry as her tears ceased. "Than I will be there for her. I swear."

Hope beckoned her over to his desk and opened one of the drawers which held a pamphlet of papers held together with a hemp string, a primitive method foreign to the modern looking office. It was oddly comforting for Fang to see.

"Here. this will lead you to where you need to go, after you've gone to visit Vanille. Follow these instructions to the letter if you truly wish to help her. Please. you're the only hope she'll have left."

Fang nodded and took the packet solemnly, as if taking her own life into her hands along with Vanille's.

It was done. Hope felt a weight lift off of his shoulders knowing that the part he could play in this crazy game was almost over. with a swift and wordless goodbye, Fang was about to leave and begin her own private journey in this world that was so strange, and yet so familiar...

"Wait..." Hope murmured, eyes downcast. Fang paused by the door.

"You'll know when to say this but...when you see her...and it's the right time...ask her...if it was worth all the pain. You'll know what to do when she answers."

Fang, shocked and curious rather than upset nodded wordlessly and rested a free hand over her heart in solemn promise. "I will. Goodbye...friend."

Hope nodded. "Be well." and she was gone. once he'd heard the door close and the steps retreat into nothingness down the fire stairs, he broke down into fresh tears...the first he'd cried in almost 20 years...

Fang approached the gates to the small grotto in the middle of the city. It was strangely cheerful, even at this odd time of day, when they sky was streaked with blood and purple. Filled with promise and hope. The guards even bowed upon her introduction, which flattered and unnerved her. Holding the packet of papers close to her chest, her lance tight in her other hand, she processed forward into the green. She removed her sandals before entering, laying down her weapon and the papers.

The shrine was simple inside, even though it's exterior was intricately overgrown with ivy and thistle flowers. It was kept tidy and clean, and the figure of a crystalized young girl was resting, curled up as if in a dreaming sleep on a slab of stone. the walls were made of a curious mix of marble and steel plates, already rusted and caved in from the elements.

Vases sat lined up along the shrine, one for each year it seemed, as she counted up to 20 before they started another row. only the last one held anything. a single beautiful pink flower. it's petals were a bit brown on the edges, showing it had been at least a week since it had been placed here. Fang touched one tenderly.

"Hope..." she whispered.

Sitting up, she went over to the stone bed and took the crystal hand. The fingers were so thin and delicate, bracelets forever frozen half-off her wrists. she stroked the crystalline head, pricking a finger on the once soft and playful curls of Vanille's ponytails. As she sucked the blood from the wound she continued to examine her dearest seperation seemed to have been done seamlessly, since her hands remained undamaged, and her figure remained in the curled up fetal position.

"I will always be here for you. I would scour the ends of the earth for you...my sister." Fang intoned, as if in solemn prayer. She leaned forward and kissed the freezing cold forehead, before bowing once and leaving the shrine.

Once outside, she took her lance into her lap and sat down to read the papers. the guards could be heard talking jovially from the guardhouse. It would be a while before they thought her to return.

The paper gave easily to her battle-worn fingers, and their secrets were soon known to her. Nothing had been left to chance, it seemed.

As she read, her hands began to shake, and her eyes to tear up again with moisture, but she blinked it back.

"If this is what it takes..." she turned and looked back into the dark, cave-like shrine, where Vanille's still form glittered like a beacon in the rapid sunset.

"I'll do it."


	8. Chapter 10

**Author's Note: A happy and healthy New Year to all my lovely readers! As you may have noticed, I've been unable to update this story for quite some time now, due to life and all that nonsense that really shouldn't qualify as an excuse, but lucky for all of you, I've had the next chapter here written since early November, I've just been constantly tweaking and playing around with it, and couldn't really settle on a final for a while. a lovely review by ishi8 reminded me why I'm writing this story in the first place, and that it's definitely not all about me, but my awesome, patient readers too! I put the finishing touches on this chapter and I really hope you like it. the Vanille/Hope fluff is back in full force, just as I promised you guys so long ago. The story's nearing it's conclusion, and I hope and pray to the great beings that be that I have it all wrapped up and done before I go back to full-time school by February! I'm going to work VERY hard for you guys to have some closure! (Trust me, I want it too! This remains my most in-depth and thought out story to date) So I'll shut up now and let you read on...**

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**Chapter 10**

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She looked around blearily, eyes still adjusting to the gentle light of early evening. The field she'd fallen into was overgrown, but strewn with bits of metal debris, signifying there were human inhabitants somewhere nearby...or there had been once before.

Her hand caught up upon a metal shard. Barely processing the stinging sensation and the feeling of hot, salty blood dripping down her hand, she stared at the wound. Something about the color and the moment and the meaning behind the absence of pain disturbed her deeply. She quickly wiped her hand against some local reeds and got up. She barely stood as tall as the surrounding foliage.

By squinting, she could barely make out the shapes of ramshackle buildings not far off. Warm lights seemed to be beckoning her home. And going by the warmth in her own heart to see them, that was surely what they must be. Home.

She dared not hope she'd made it back at last, but something about the general aura of the place told her she was closer then she'd ever been before.

"Maybe now I can finally keep my promise..." she breathed to no one, letting the gentle wind steal her words away and carry them up and over, to the ears of the sky.

As she walked towards the houses however, she heard a rustling nearby in the grass, and crouched low, wishing again for her Binding Rod. But she was ready to fight tooth and nail if necessary.

Nothing appeared, no animal or human, but she saw a large black shadow dissolve into the grass beyond her own line of sight. There had been a brief flash of copper in moonlight as well, which just made her shake her head and doubt her sanity.

Her journies through the time that never was in the Bridge was clearly taking it's toll on her mind as well as her body...the thought made her shiver.

She finally managed to breach the dense growth of weeds and get out into an open field behind several of the houses. one seemed very familiar for some reason...only the shutters were different colors. She gave a start and ran up to it, heart racing. Maybe this time she'd go up to his room and...and...

"Vanille? Vanille, sweetie, what are you doing out here? And in that of all things?" a kind face with equally kind eyes appeared in a neighboring doorway. His hair was windswept and gloriously silver and fluffy, just as she remembered it. His cheeks were shaved baby smooth, and besides a slight elongation of his jaw and nose, he looked exactly the same as he did at 14.

"Oh...oh Hope...I finally...found you..." and with that, her tired body finally gave out in relief, and she slumped forward. The last things she knew were Hope's warm arms enveloping her.

She woke up in a warm room lit by a bright electrical lamp. the window was open out onto the field she'd just left, and the mountain range beyond. The quilt was heavily patched and a bit ragged looking, but soft as thistle down. she sighed dreamily and cuddled closer underneath it, suddenly realizing her hand had been bandaged and she was in an oversized nightgown. She blushed. Who had dressed her?

"Welcome back sleeping beauty." Hope's gentle chuckle made her jump. He was sitting off to the side, by the door of the room, rocking back and forth with a bundle in his arms.

Tears started up in her eyes again, and for a brief moment in time all she could process was that she was here with him again, and he didn't seem all that much older. She'd finally found where she belonged...but...

"You haven't even held him yet, Mama. Here." Hope got up and came over to the bed, and with a swoop of her stomach she realized what the bundle was...Aren!

With shaking hands she took the newborn baby into her arms, confused, but feeling a love she'd never even knew she could possess yet. The tiny squishy face gazed up at her with the same sort of confusion mixed with love.

"That makes for one pretty picture." Hope smiled and kissed her cheek. Vanille couldn't really speak from the shock of it all. She'd messed up. Again. but...but maybe this was too small of a mistake to worry about...maybe everything could be okay from here. "He's half you...and half me..." she whispered, awed. "Yeah...we made a gorgeous kid, huh?" Hope smiled. They watched Aren for the next few moments in loving silence. It was like looking upon a self-made miracle.

"Hey, where's your ring?" Hope's tone suddenly took a defensive turn, as he studied her bare hand.

"Oh...I...I must have taken it off and misplaced it on my walk..." she stared at her thin, ringless fingers a bit regretfully.

_Our wedding...our honeymoon...Oh well..._

"Misplaced your wedding ring? Vanille..." Hope sighed, and ran a hand exasperatingly through his hair. "I thought we had an understanding about that stuff. It's too important to lose."

"I didn't lose it, I misplaced it!" she answered indignantly, her heart fluttering with fear as Aren began to fuss. she rocked him experimentally and he seemed to calm down. See? she could handle this mom business, no big deal!

"Doesn't that mean the same thing?" Hope shook his head, a teasing smile on his lips. Unable to control herself any longer she leaned forward and met them with her own. The kiss was gentle, short and sweet. Her first, and the best. she wanted it to go on forever, but Hope broke away as the door opened. He continued to watch her, eyes filled with love. She giggled softly.

"How's the little guy?" Serah came in, trying but barely succeeding in keeping a young boy from following her into the room. "Go find your father!" she hissed as she shut the door. the sound of little feet could be heard racing down stairs.

"He's good." Vanille smiled at being able to know that, just by instinct. Serah came up to the bed and tilted her head curiously.

"For someone who just had a baby, you're looking pretty darn perky! And since when did you start wearing your hair like that again?"

Before she could answer, Hope did for her, gently uncurling one of her pigtails and watching it spring back in place with fascination. "I kind of missed it, to be honest."

"I just needed a good rest. that's all! Hm. sweetie, can you take him? he's falling asleep." Vanille handed the baby over and pushed back the covers, her thin legs not looking fit to support anything, but she got up anyway, the voluminous nightgown feeling like a cool cape on her skin.

"You sure you should be getting up?" Serah's eyes were studying her critically with something like envy, which she simply couldn't comprehend at the moment. "I'm fine, really! See?" she spun around and clapped her hands twice.

The room was silent.

"She's been a little well, different since her walk earlier. I don't know whether to call it a miracle or not..." Hope commented a bit worriedly, taking Vanille's hand and drawing her close to his chest. He smelled so good...She'd missed that smell.

Serah smiled. "A miracle, definitely. It was a little touch and go there for a while. It's nice to see the old Vanille. I'll go down and get you some tea. it's a cold night." and with that, she left.

Lost in the wonder that was Hope's strong arms around her, Vanille didn't answer. she could stay here forever...and ever and ever...

"I love you, Hope. I love you so much!"

His chuckle was deep and made her insides shiver. "I love you too. More than you could ever know."

She closed her eyes.

_Thank you, Fang...thank you...I choose happiness._

After that, the days started to blend together for Vanille. Her wondrous return to a more youthful version of herself was remarked upon at first, but after a while, it was accepted as the miracle Hope kept claiming it to be. A wet nurse had to be found discreetly for baby Aren, since Hope didn't think such a thing would go over well with the others. Vanille was grateful. There was an understanding in Hope's eyes that she hadn't been able to find anywhere else. He seemed to know exactly what to say, what was important, and how to act in all situations. It was almost like he knew...

Hope had taken up with some trustworthy business partners and their small candy company was slowly blossoming. He never once forgot to credit Vanille with the suggestion. She'd smile and blush and brush it off with a knowing look. She couldn't wait for him to realize the full value of her little 'suggestion'.

Aren in the meanwhile grew strong, and his silvery hair deepened to a shade that was not unlike her own. His baby blue eyes shifted very quickly to green, and his giggles were infectious. He was a very good baby, very quickly learning to sleep through the night and crying only when he was hungry or needed changing. It didn't take long for Vanille to almost forget all the pain she'd endured to reach this snapshot in time. To find her final place in life.

But nothing good can last forever. It was a cold day in mid-rainy season, and she was staring out the bay window of the nursery while 2 year old Aren drifted to sleep in his bassinet. A sharp pain suddenly seared up the side of her head, and her nose began to run. Wincing, she reached for a tissue, only to find the white cloth stained with red when she pulled it away. Fear trickled down her spine. She'd never had a nosebleed before.

The pain persisted, just behind her right eye and ear. She sat in the rocking chair and tried to calm herself down. It was just the strange weather, the humidity, the temperature...anything but what she feared it was.

Her own body betraying her. Breaking down entirely because it had been too mangled in her multiple journies. She was dying.

Tears sprang unbidden to her eyes, and she rushed to Aren, who gave a startled cry as he was whisked into her arms half asleep. She held him close, sobbing profusely. She didn't want to die! She didn't want to leave this precious child alone! She didn't want to leave Hope!

Nothing made sense anymore. Why had she even bothered to try so hard if she was going to die anyway? Her vision blurred and she fell to her knees slowly, just in case she passed out, she could lay Aren down first. But just as her world started to go black, Hope was there. His pure bright eyes were staring at her, yelling worriedly, shaking her gently.

"I love you..." she whispered, and succumbed to the darkness.

She woke up to the bare ceiling and a warm cloth on her head as well as Hope's hand grasping her own.

"You scared me half to death...There was so much blood..." he murmured, eyes sparkling with relieved tears.

"I'm sorry..." she mouthed, unsure if her voice even worked anymore. She didn't really feel up to it anyway. Her melancholy of ever finding Hope had returned, only this time it was due to the inevitable. She was to die, after only knowing pure happiness for a short time. She was going to fail Hope again. And she couldn't bear it.

"Don't be sorry, it wasn't your fault. The doctor's been called several times. We're just waiting for the test results now. You're gonna be fine, I promise. Just need some rest."

She steeled herself to tell him the truth. It had been a long time coming, but it had to be done soon, before things got out of hand...before she wasn't here anymore to tell him.

"I'm not going to be alright, Hope...I'm...I'm dying."

He didn't meet her eyes, just stared straight ahead and shook his head.

"I know you don't want to hear that, but Hope, it's true. And I know why."

His tears finally spilled over, face crinkling in on itself like that one time he'd broken down after his mother died. He'd lost so much already...

"I'm not from here, Hope. As in, this time. I wake up in the future, and I tried to come back to you young, so we could have this life, have this beautiful son..." she trailed off, her voice cracking in emotion.

"I made a mistake...A lot of them...And I told myself the biggest lie of all when i came here. That I could live without knowing what went before. I came here after Aren was born. I haven't married you yet. I haven't been pregnant yet either...I skipped too much...and my body is rejecting that. Rejecting my presence here, and now. I tried...I tried so hard to..."

She trailed off again, heaving with tears. This was harder and more painful than anything she'd endured in the Bridge Between...this was self-inflicted emotional torture...

Then...Hope answered in a way she had never expected.

"I know. Don't ask me how, but I know. I've known something was different. But i never expected this...That it would...it would make you so sick...Vanille..." he stroked her cheek sadly.

She sighed heavily. "I can try...I can try one more time to go back...to make things right. To be with you as you remember me, to marry you...to share that part of our lives..."

"Are you strong enough? I mean you don't-"

"I have to do this. I have to go. Something tells me everything will go wrong if I don't. It doesn't matter now if I'm strong enough. I don't have a choice." she bit her lip and clasped her hands tightly, already anticipating the intense and unbearable pain that awaited her on this particular journey.

Hope shook his head again. "Vanille. I don't want you to go. If you're sick, we can help you get better! There's nothing they can't do, Technology has come so far since before-You just have to believe! And if not...well, at least we'll be together in the end. I can't bear to live without you..."

She shook her head vehemently. "No! Aren needs you! When I'm gone, promise me. Promise me you'll never leave him! No matter what!"

Hope hung his head, defeated. "I...I promise."

Gritting her teeth, she got out of the bed and got into suitable clothes for the weather. It was still raining outside, abysmal and damp. As if the very planet of Gran Pulse was crying for her.

Hope held her hand the entire way she walked out to the fields. And he almost refused to let go when she asked, rain whipping at her face, stinging like needles.

"I will always love you!" he cried over the roar of the storm. She nodded once. "And I will always love you!" she called in return. "See you soon!"

one final kiss goodbye...

one final embrace...

And it was all over.


	9. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: Ugh, I know you guys don't wanna hear my excuses, so I'll make this brief. I've had this written for a bit but I wasn't too sure I wanted it to end where it does. In the end I decided it was too long and I needed to chop it where I did. I only checked it over once, so if there's a typo in there, forgive me. And of course, forgive me for being a bad, bad writer and leaving this hanging for so long. I really wanna have this done before the sequel comes out in the winter, and my entire story gets blown into serious AU territory lol. Reminder: I LOVE VANILLE AND HOPE! THIS WILL HAVE A SEMI-HAPPY ENDING! I PROMISE!**

Chapter 7

He wasn't even entirely sure what had possessed him to come out this far afield alone, but he wasn't regretting it. The cool wind against his cheeks and through his hair was comforting and seemed to calm him down significantly from the previous battle he'd just shared with Light.

She was getting reckless and clumsy, and everytime they went out for hunts now, Serah would nervously watch, worry lining her young features. She was only 23 and didn't deserve premature crow's feet, but Light insisted.

"You're not 21 anymore, Claire just be extra careful!" she'd moan as her sister started to suit up with her well-polished gunblade and potions.

"Age has nothing to do with it. if anything, I've gotten even better." she'd huff and head out the door with Hope following behind like a cowed puppy, shooting apologetic glances at Serah. She'd asked him several times to talk sense into the hothead Light, but every time he tried to start a conversation, the elusive woman would shoot off after some unknown prey and completely knock him off topic, or when she was feeling particularly acidic, she'd bring up...her. offhandedly, too. It drove Hope crazy, to the point where he just stopped asking.

The edge of town was retreating outward as the small city of Main Gran Pulse grew in leaps and bounds. It had only been 5 years since the Fall and the Bridge Between's creation, but already everyone had pretty much forgotten a time when godlike beings ruled their lives with an iron fist.

"HOPE!"

Light's cry made him snap to attention, his boomerang weapon and hunting knife held a bit tighter in his large hands. He'd grown a good bit in the intervening 5 years, hitting his growth spurt around 16 or so, and now stood a foot taller then Light. He still couldn't do too much in a fight, and had turned down Snow's offer of strength training. He hadn't the patience for it.

Light ran up to him panting, gunblade slack and sweat running down her porcelain face. "Listen. I just saw a good strong one up that way. if you circle around back while I'm whalin' on 'im and hit him with a spell, he should go down easy."

Hope bristled. they never hunted that way, always preferring to stay in a team so Hope could bolster Lightning's flagging defense and magic with modifier spells. It was a slow way to battle with only one attacker, but they did it, and Light got her fix. This way just sounded like suicide. Serah was right, Light wasn't as fast as she used to be, and Hope doubted she'd be able to heal in time for her relentless assault.

"Why can't we just stay together like we always do?" he asked nervously.

"Because, that's boring. I wanna be adventurous today. Prove Serah and them wrong."

Hope swallowed hollowly. "All...all right...I'll be here. just send a plume of magic as a signal."

Light nodded tersely and ran off towards a hulking figure in the distance that was clearly minding it's own business. He watched her go with fear churning in the pit of his stomach. This definitely, definitely didn't feel right.

He hadn't been standing there a full 5 minutes when the wind changed direction and intensity. It was a full force gale that seemed to blow the very tall grass down. he turned, the feeling of uneasiness returning full force as he gripped his knife tightly. but no monster appeared. Could it have a cloak on?

He was pretty sure Aegisol only worked on human beings who had the consciousness of mind to use it...But then...

Sobbing...crying...a girl, somewhere close by. he jogged towards the sound, still warily holding his knife. but then...he found her. And everything else seemed to drop out of existence.

He couldn't even really process it at first, sure it was an illusion brought on by the heavy heat haze of the fields. But heat haze couldn't create that shade of orange...that sparkling green...

Neither of them spoke, the young woman still sniffling from the tears drifting down her cheeks, as Hope slowly and painfully got to his knees. his hands were fists over them, his eyes wide and disbelieving. She was beautiful. She was perfect. And most importantly, she was here, now, with him. Alive.

"I-" she tried to speak, but he shook his head. It was building up like a volcano inside of him and he didn't want to be in the middle of a conversation when it happened. That would just be messy. He waited a beat and then...his face twisted in a strange way and his entire body began to shake with the hardest cry he'd ever cried before in his life, even more then when his mother died.

"Oh, Hope!" Vanille finally said and threw her arms around him and they cried together, she holding him just like Nora used to, way back when he was smaller, and him holding on to her as if he was holding on to life itself.

"Shhhh shhhh, it's alright now, shhh..." her voice and the beautiful lilt it possessed seemed to reach his ears from some sort of faraway dream. It wasn't as obvious as it used to be, but it was there. and she was so warm, so wonderfully flesh and blood there in his arms, holding him close...It was as if the past 5 years had never happened. he was 14 again, in total awe and happiness watching his two closest friends, and quite possibly the love of his life come out triumphant from the ruins of Cocoon with Serah and Dahj...

"I thought I'd never see you again! So many people told me you were dead, I, I couldn't take it anymore! I'm so sorry...I should have just believed you'd come back. I shouldn't have doubted you, Vanille, I'm sorry!" he was blubbering now, short wet gasps in between words and within them as well made him close to incoherent. Vanille was obviously fighting back her own tears as she nodded and just stroked his head and rubbed his back comfortingly. That's what she was, and that's what she always had been. Comfort. a safe port in the storm for him. Someone who cared, who wanted him safe, no matter what.

And he'd turned his back on her, just to be able to get through a day without missing her. And it hadn't worked. He'd missed her anyway. Every single second she'd been gone. Even if he didn't allow his mind to think it, his soul felt it. His heart felt it.

"You really have changed a lot...from when you were younger I mean." Vanille said speculatively, then hurrying to cover up something. Hope was too distraught and happy to really process it too deeply. He smiled.

"You've been gone a long time...It happens." he chuckled softly, and was joined by Vanille's high little giggle.

" I just have to ask...how? why? Where have you been?" he had collected himself a bit more now and was wiping the tears away on his sleeves, leaving dark splodges on the fabric.

"I-" but before she could answer, Light ran up, looking irate and limping slightly. She was holding an open potion bottle that was half drained, the rest sloshing around unattratively.

"Where in hell have you been, Hope? I nearly got slaughtered back there, no thanks to you!" she seemed to finally process what was going on in front of her by then and took a step back, shell-shocked.

"Oh...OH...but...but how-? Vanille? here? I don't...This can't be happening."

Vanille got up and brushed herself off as best as she could. She wasn't wearing her Oerbian clothes she was last seen in, but a simple, pretty pink sundress with white sandals. Her ponytails were still bouncing at her shoulders, however, and her bangs seemed a tad overgrown, but otherwise she was the same girl Lightning saw sacrifice herself to be Ragnarok and save them all.

"It's true. I'm back. and I'm here to stay, If you'll have me. I know Hope here is staying with you for now." she held out a hand to shake, and Light just stared at it, dumbstruck.

Hope stood up too, eyes still red from crying. "If you say no, Light, I swear to the gods I will move out. I'll get a place with my savings, I'll do it."

"Hope!" Vanille looked a bit taken aback by his vehemence, but she had to admit, she kind of understood. She didn't want to be away from him one second either.

"Alright, Alright. you can stay. But put that hand away. We've been through too much together to stick to formalities. Come here." and she opened her arms. Vanille smiled wide and ran into them, hugging Light fiercely. "Easy! hey, easy. Buddy over here let me take a few bruises while you got reacquainted." but then she put a hand on Vanille's shoulder in comradeship. "Welcome back. It really is good to see you again. What of Fang? Is she coming too?"

"I don't think so..." Vanille said sadly, eyes downcast. "I don't know why, but I get this feeling that she can't."

Lightning nodded. "Fair enough. well, you should live life to the fullest for her. You were given the second chance. Don't waste it."

Vanille nodded. "I won't." she looked thoughtfully at Hope and gently slipped her hand in his. He gave a slight start but smiled and curled his big fingers around her dainty ones, blushing like a tomato.

She was really here to stay...she was finally there with him...and they were finally in the right places, at the right time.

Serah was of course exstatic to see Vanille, and didn't question much as to how she'd come back. Vanille cooed over Tersel and Ella, Serah's two children who were now 4 and 3 respectively. "They're beautiful!" she gushed, once they'd run off to play. "I'm so glad I have this second chance...I get to try again...to have a normal life for once, y'know?" Serah nodded. "You really are a lucky girl, Vanille. and Hope's one lucky guy." she gave a knowing little wink.

Vanille blushed slightly. "No idea what you mean." she giggled, feigning ignorance.

"Oh, come ON. we both know it! He's been mooning over you since you two met! And these years alone...they had a real big impact on him. He never takes anything for granted anymore. He's grown up a lot. He's ready for you now." Serah's gaze was full of meaning, and Vanille understood it a lot more then she knew. With a helpless little sigh she turned and almost walked right into Hope himself!

"I'm sorry! I didn't...I mean...Well, I was gonna ask if you wanted to go take a walk, down by the ravine...it's beautiful this time of day..." Hope scuffed his shoe on the floor like a little boy of 14 totally would have done. Vanille found it endearing and took Hope's hand. "Of course. I'd love to." with one last wink at Serah, she was off.

The day was quickly turning into a dusky sunset, with the sky metamorphozing into a gorgeous example of Gran Pulse's palette. It felt good to smell this clean air again, not yet as heavily tainted with mecha fumes as it was in a few years time. It also felt good to have Hope finally be hers, and not have to worry about trying to find the right one anymore. He was the right one. She could tell. Sure, she wasn't 19 anymore, what with the 2 years that passed while spent with Aren, but she still felt that young. Maybe a bit wiser for her experiences, and a bit warier too. She knew this magic could be snatched away at any moment. She was still dying, she just wasn't sure how quickly.

"Hey...Vanille?"

"Mmm?"

"I...I just wanted to say...thank you. Thank you for everything you've done for me. You took care of me after my mom died, you looked out for me during those long days on the trail and...I-"

She stood still, quiet, contemplating as he tried to work up the courage to say what he needed to, now that she was here. That she was back.

"I wasn't joking...about what I said on the Steppe? That day? Do you remember?"

She nodded, looking far out past him, into the wilds of Gran Pulse.

"I meant it. Your smile...is the most beautiful thing in the world to me." She exhaled as if she'd been waiting for this moment to breathe. Hope too seemed a good bit more relieved to be free of those words.

"Hope..."

"Serah told me you cared for me, and that back then, you just didn't know if it was the right time to admit it. I never believed her, I always thought you were just really friendly and felt bad about my mom and stuff so I just brushed it off but now I think..."

Vanille stopped him mid-rant with a gentle finger to his lips.

"Yes. Serah was right. She's pretty much always right, come down to it. Listen to her."

Hope nodded and Vanille withdrew her finger.

"Hey...you're still 19, right?" Hope asked suddenly, picking at the grass beneath them.

Vanille shook her head slowly. "I'm 21. don't ask how, I won't be able to tell you. But it doesn't make much of a difference." she turned and made a silly face before poking him in the nose. "I'm still me!"

Hope growled playfully and started to tickle her. Vanille howled with laughter and tried to get away, but soon enough they were rolling around on the edge of the ravine, laughing and crying and playing and...so alive.

_If I had known this is what I'd missed...I never would have stayed so long...but Aren...At least I got to see him..._

Thoughts of their son sobered Vanille down and she gave up the play fight, lying winded and sweaty in the grass. Hope propped himself up on one arm beside her.

"Tired out already?" he panted, watching her closely. strands of his silver hair were plastered to his forehead with sweat.

"Mmm. That was fun." Vanille smiled and looked up at the sky, rapidly turning pink in the setting sun's glow. Cocoon and the Bridge seemed distant pinpricks past the horizon. She watched it with something like longing.

"Hey..." Hope said softly, turning Vanille's head gently towards his. and before she really knew what was happening, she was being kissed within an inch of her life. They were so gentle and full of love and trust and magic that she nearly burst into tears all over again.

_This is beautiful. This is right._

The wedding was not a very lavish affair, attended only by their closest friends and colleagues on the lawn by the edge where they'd spent that first night. Her dress was simple, as was his suit, and everything was cozy and warm, just like the couple. The ring was a beautiful gold band with his name in gran pulsian inscribed on the inside. His had her name in the same place. 'So we can always be near each other, no matter what." he'd explained at the ring shop.

They'd moved out of Light's soon after, but Vanille still went back now and again to babysit for Sanna, her new daughter.

Hope started to dabble into business deals and trading with Cocoon. Vanille encouraged him, of course, telling him to steer more towards candy in a subtle way, so he wouldn't get suspicious.

A year passed in next to blissful peace. She didn't have another nosebleed or horrible headache. She started to forget that anything had ever been wrong.

"Vanille! you're glowing like a radon flux capacitor!" Snow observed one night during a communal dinner at Serah's house. the young woman laughed it off, saying it was just the heat of Gran Pulse getting to her. But she worried anyway. Could this be it? Could it be Aren?

She waited another few weeks to be sure. She didn't get severely sick, only bouts of dizziness that scarily reminded her of the affects of the traveling she'd experienced before.

"You're pregnant aren't you." Hope commented one morning as she got out of bed and tied her hair back in a simple ponytail. She blanched and tried to be oblivious, failing spectacularly.

"What are you talking about? Of course not!"

"Your stomach's sticking out a mile. I'm not stupid, Vanille." Hope was smirking cleverly from the bed.

She rolled her eyes. "It's obviously not sticking out a MILE, I'm barely 3 months in!"

"Mmmhmm. But I'd be a bad husband if I didn't notice your body changing."

She had no response to that, so she just bent, kissed his head and smiled. "Well, I admire how observant you are, sir."

Vanille lived on tiptoes after that. Every slight burn of her nostrils could be a new nosebleed, and every slight throb of her head could be a headache. She did everything she could to ensure a healthy pregnancy, taking herbal supplements, drinking special tea, even going to Serah and Light for advice.

But nothing could prepare her for what happened next.

It was like all the months of peace had compiled attacks together and they all hit at once.

It was night time, and her head just randomly felt like it was being split open. the pain was so severe she was sick twice. Once she thought it had calmed down enough to try going to sleep again, the nosebleed started...and wouldn't stop. She panicked outright, and trying desperately not to wake Hope who was sleeping on the couch-since she claimed a woman 6 months pregnant needed the entire bed to sleep-and hadn't really stirred during her entire ordeal.

"Hello? yes, could you put Magister Katzroy on the phone? It's an old friend, Oerba Dia Vanille on Gran Pulse."

the comm screen buzzed to life and lit up the darkened office room. Vanille winced at the noise. If Hope woke up now and caught her...

"Yeah? What's wrong? You do know what time it is?" Sazh was wide awake, probably up doing some extra work up at the PSICOM headquarters, so at least she hadn't woken him up.

"Yes, I know but Sazh...I'm scared and I don't know who else to turn to."

"Turn to for what? What's happening? Is everything alright? Is the baby okay?"

"Yes, yes, the baby's alright but I'm...I'm sick, Sazh. I don't know if you'll understand this yet but I have to tell someone or I'll go insane. I traveled too many times, I-I messed up..." she sniffed hard to hold back the tears.

"Traveled too many times? Vanille, love, what are you talking about?"

her blood ran cold. he didn't know yet. He hadn't started training. Fang hadn't come to see him. Her entire body seemed to give up and she sighed. "Nevermind, Sazh, it's nothing. I'm just...I'm just so tired...I'll go back to sleep." and she clicked the comm screen off before he could even say goodbye.

She was alone. No one could even begin to understand what was going to happen to her body, and no one would believe her anyway. Not even Hope. he didn't understand yet, and he wasn't supposed to until after Aren was born.

She tried to go back to sleep and eventually succeeded, but she just couldn't find her way back to being awake...

"Vanille? VANILLE?"

She woke to the ministrations of a strange doctor she'd never seen before, peering into her face with a lighted spectroscope and frowning so ferociously there was a valley in between his eyebrows. His 5 o'clock shadow was getting into it's 1 week stage and was so patchy it looked like beard-worms had nibbled on it. And his eyes were the craziest color...like hawk's eyes, all yellowy.

"She's coming to, Mr. Estheim. Haven't the foggiest how, but I won't question it."

Suddenly a hand was in hers and another was brushing back her bangs from her sweaty face frantically. She looked over feebly, like a newborn seeing for the first time and smiled at the familiar fuzzy outline of her husband.

"Vanille! Oh, sweetheart, I was so worried! You wouldn't wake up, I was a mess...Th-this is Dr. Lancaster. He'll be your physician from now on."

There was a clearing of the throat and this Dr. Lancaster took out a strange looking instrument that looked like a cross between a straw and a coffee stirrer with a loop on one end.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, Mr. Estheim, I need to perform some tests on your wife, to rule out some of the more severe illnesses that might be debilitating to the baby."

Hope nodded and stayed put. Dr. lancaster cleared his throat again, thwacking the stick thing against his palm impatiently.

"Oh! Yes, yes of course. I'll be back real soon." He kissed Vanille's head and literally jogged out of the room, glancing back, eyes still full of worry.

"Sorry...he's such a worrywart." she mumured sleepily, still feeling a bit groggy. her throat stung when she swallowed and all over felt sore. but she could still feel the baby moving, so she wasn't too worried just yet.

"Well, seemingly losing the one he loves and then getting her back, only to maybe lose her again will bring that on anyone, i suppose." Dr. Lancaster smiled sympathetically and ran the looped flat end of the instrument against her arm. being careful to avoid touching her with his own skin.

"Tsk tsk tsk. 4 trips? it's a miracle your molecules are still orbiting within a reasonable latitude!"

Vanille's blood ran cold at his words. He knew? How? How did Hope know to call him? It was all a bit too much. She leaned her head back against the pillow, eyes wide open now, fully alert.

He seemed to notice the change and chuckled softly, putting the strange instrument away in his briefcase.

"Easy, easy. I know because I need to know, and that's all i can tell you. Now, I need to be frank with you, because this is the turning point in the whole shebang. Tensions are high and there are so many alternate choices that could be made by accident. Your body is in fact decaying, and at a very advanced rate. So to ensure this baby comes to term, I'm going to require you go on bedrest for the rest of your pregnancy. Moving around aggravates the molecular bonds and speeds the process along by close to 20%. You follow?"

Vanille nodded wordlessly, in awe. How had this man never bothered to find her before? It would have been such a relief to know all the things he seemed to, instead of feeling like she had such a deep dark and terrible secret. It didn't even bother her too much to hear she was dying. All she cared about right now was the baby.

She started to be overcome with emotion and her face began to twist into a sob. Dr. Lancaster sighed heavily.

"I wish it didn't have to be this way. You're so young, and so delicate...I will never understand why you of all people was chosen to be so important...but, it is not for me to decide. May the gods be with you now." he leaned over and kissed her head dryly. She gave him a small smile as he left to talk to Hope, then broke down quietly, curling up against herself in the bed.

"I'm so sorry baby...Mama's so sorry..."

There was so much she didn't understand...so much she wanted but could never have...

Hope came in not long after, his face clouded with worry. She looked at him, her face red and tear stained. He sighed. "It'll be alright. I promise." and he leaned over and hooked her pinky with his, a weak smile flashing briefly across his lips.


	10. Chapter 7 and a half

**Author's Note: Ain't even gonna say anything in my defense this time. Cuz I have none. I think all the hype about 13-2 has kind of discouraged me from continuing this, but then I recently realized, with all the plot details, that i could actually tie this into the universe now. And so I aim to finish it. Only one more Chapter left after this, and it's gonna be a doozy.**

* * *

**Chapter 11**

* * *

Sazh looked as if he'd seen a ghost when the slender figure of Fang slipped into his office, unseen. With all the guards he'd posted, she'd still managed to reach him unannounced.

"Fang, I-"

"Save it." she huffed, suddenly looking very winded and tired. She slid into one of the many chairs surrounding his desk and just sat there, breathing for a bit until she could speak properly. Sazh just watched in wonder.

"Remember the creation of the Bridge? all the trouble Vanille and I went through to save this cursed blot of a planet?"

Sazh nodded, not willing to argue with a Fang so obviously hurt.

"Now it's time for someone to save us." Her piercing eyes met his soft brown ones and there was an understanding there. Of losing the one you love the most and being so close to having them back, only to have it snatched away yet again, almost beyond your grasp.

"Things have gotten a lot more complicated now. There are magics I didn't know existed and only now understand, power the goddess didn't want us to know about..." Fang stared at her hands as if they were stained beyond repair. She clenched them into fists and got up, pacing in front of Sazh's desk. He didn't move, only watched. She was like some sort of caged animal he didn't dare antagonize.

"You're my last hope. I don't why it has to be that way, because honestly I wouldn't have picked you, i would have picked that tank idiot, Snow. But it's not for me to say."

She turned and grasped the edge of Sazh's desk, her gaze like a laser through his skull.

"Do you want to save Vanille?"

Sazh gulped hollowly, wondering if he should tell Fang she was fine, home and happy with Hope, but after that phone call last night, he wasn't so sure anymore. Maybe Fang was right? Maybe something was happening...

He nodded. "If it's within my power, I'd do anything for her. I...I love that kid like a daughter."

Fang chuckled. "Alright then. So listen closely.-"

* * *

Dr. Lancaster sighed and took Vanille's temperature again. 102. She was burning up. And the contractions were coming fast and strong. It was now or never. But she was so weak...

"Is everything gonna be alright? Doctor?" Hope was devolving before Lancaster's eyes, becoming that little stubborn boy from so long ago who tried to ignore what was right in front of his nose. He couldn't ignore it anymore. He'd done a slight victory dance in his head when Hope had contacted him that night several months ago. It meant everything was going the way it was supposed to. But now, he'd run out of blueprints. He didn't know what happened next. No one did but her.

"She's running a fever, and the contractions are getting closer together. We have to decide now, either take her to a hospital or keep her here. A hospital is going to ask questions, and possibly not understand how to help her. I on the other hand-"

"-We stay here. We'll have to manage." Hope gave a terse nod and went over to the sweaty, pale form of his wife. She was resting for a few moments between contractions and looked angelic despite the pain.

Streaks of light orange hair were matted to her forehead, even though he'd done his best to tie her beautiful curls back in a ponytail for her once labor had begun in earnest. He pushed them aside tenderly.

"You're so strong. My miracle..." he sighed as she breathed evenly in half-sleep.

"If I had known this was the price of having you back...you know I would have said no...I'd rather lose you for eternity then see you go through so much pain." he sighed, rubbing her hand like she always liked.

She smiled and opened her eyes a crack. they were bloodshot, but still magically green and bright.

"That's why...I didn't tell you. The pain is worth it...I can't stay forever so, this is my best chance of staying with you...through him." she pulled her hand away and rested it on the mound of her belly. Hope felt tears pricking his eyes.

"What are you talking about? You're not going anywhere. You're staying right here with me. With us."

Vanille winced. "I wish I could. It would make everything so much easier. But I've found out...Hope, life isn't easy. It never will be. When you grow up and grow old and you see that...you'll understand. It's about sacrifices and love and magic and..."

she trailed off with a groan and grabbed the edges of the bed, biting her lip to keep from screaming in pain.

"Easy, easy. almost there. You're doing great." Dr. Lancaster murmured from across the room, watching a small monitor that recorded her vitals. It also showed him details no hospital comm screen would, like Molecular Seperation Levels and Hindsight Factor. Both were at dangerous highs. He bit his lip.

Hope waited anxiously for the contraction to end, holding her hand and not even wincing when she squeezed it as hard as she could. Finally, she dropped back against the mattress, her face blank and listless.

"Why didn't Serah and Light warn me...Tell me this was so hard..." she struggled to get her breath back. Hope couldn't smile anymore, but he tried. For her.

"Well, remember when they said, once you see your baby you forget everything else?"

She froze. A tear slipped out of Vanille's eye.

"Once you see our baby, you'll forget too."

She nodded, wiping her tears away. "Yeah. you're right. I will. Just forget this ever happened." she gave a short laugh and closed her eyes again.

"Hey Hope..."

"Right here, 'Nille."

She smiled at the pet name, but quickly grew serious again. "Do you think everything is predestined? That you can't change your fate, even if you really want to?"

Hope frowned. "No. I believe no destiny is unchangeable. It can change depending on what you want from life, or what others want from it too. Vanille, you've changed your fate before. You and Fang. Don't you remember? You were sworn to destroy Cocoon but look! You saved it. That's what made me believe I might see you again someday. That anything was possible. That Fate was _not _set in stone but was liquid and forgiving.

"Liquid, yeah. Forgiving? not so much." she coughed and readjusted herself on the bed.

"Just rest now, you've got a lot of work left to do tonight. Want some water?" Hope kissed her head and got up. Vanille nodded vaguely before closing her eyes again, desperate to rest before more pain began. He gazed at her one last time, so small and so broken, before rushing out of the room to fetch the water, unable to trust himself anymore.

He was downstairs by the time his resolve gave way. Pressing his back to the wall by the stairs he slid down, giving over to his sobs, where no one else could see. Light did though, from where the others were gathered in the kitchen, pacing and worriedly chatting to ward off the night. She came over to the door, but knew not to intrude, watching Hope with sadness in her eyes. He wasn't the only one who felt helpless tonight.

"Goddess, I'd give anything to keep her here..." he whispered, tears sliding down his nose and to the floor. "Anything..."

By midnight, it was finally over. Dr. Lancaster had rushed the baby away for testing with his assistants and Hope, then helped Vanille finish up with the afterbirth and it was all over. The stars were high in the Gran Pulsian sky and no one else in the budding city could know what had transpired.

Vanille was restless. She'd been told to stay in bed the prevent blood loss, but she was tired of lying down. Her legs were weak from the months spent off of them, so she propped herself up on the balcony railing, gazing out and feeling the cool night breeze on her face.

"So this is it, hm? I have to leave them all? Just like that?" no one answered, the wind taking her question high up into the sky, to the gods. But they rarely answered.

"I don't even get to say goodbye this time..." she whispered sadly as she turned away and faced the warmly lit room that she'd single-handedly started a family in.

"I wish I'd known all this...when I come the first time...There is so much I would have done differently..."

She pressed her hand against the door to the study, where Dr. Lancaster had set up the bassinet and was running tests to make sure Aren was healthy. She could hear Hope cooing softly.

"I love you." she mouthed and let her hand fall, walking to the door downstairs and slipping out without a sound. She could still hear Serah laughing and Snow's big booming voice from the kitchen. But-

She froze, halfway out into the fields at the back of the house.

"It's alright. I won't tell anyone." Light's soft low voice reached her from where the woman sat, hidden by shadows.

"Thank you." Vanille answered, nodding her head in acknowledgement.

"Hope always thought he had this big bad secret, ever since you got back. Really, he should've known better. I'm not that stupid."

Vanille didn't answer, already seeing the rushes moving, where the younger her had just appeared and hurt herself.

"He has a lot left to learn. Help him." and with a final gaze between them, Vanille slipped off into the waving reeds, a flash of orange among the green. She saw the dark shadow of herself pass close beside her, and her heart leapt to her throat, but she kept moving.

As the house got further and further away, her worries seem to drift away with them, knowing at least one incarnation of herself was there to make sure Aren had a mother, for a little while. To lie with Hope for the first time, even if he thought it was the hundredth. She didn't cry, didn't mourn.

It had to be this way.

But here, she didn't know where to go. She hadn't seen this far ahead. What she had seen seemed to show that after she left, two years into this future, she'd never come back. But so where did that leave her? Still weak from giving birth and feverish?

"_It is time for you to come to me now. One last time..." _the voice was soft and soothing, brought to her by the winds of Pulse, like a secret hundreds of years old.

There was no pain this time as she slipped seamlessly into the darkness beyond. As it was, her own physical pain seemed to slip away, like a burden left behind. She felt weightless and whole, healthy and strong again. Here, her molecules didn't have to make sense. They just had to be.

* * *

_"Hello."_

_The voice was Fang's, and yet someone else's at the same time. Vanille closed her eyes, useless to her in the dark, floating as she was. Finally she felt her feet hit something solid, and she sat down on it, slowly looking out over what was there._

_It was a pedestal, tall and bottomless in a realm full of colors and lights. Clouds drifted close by, as if the floor was in the sky and not on the ground. It was beautiful beyond belief._

_"I have been waiting for you, Vanille. The time has come to make the final choice."_

_"Who are you?" Vanille asked tentatively, looking around frantically. The disembodied voice was frightening and seemed to be far off yet very close all at once. A soft chuckle answered and a small cloud drifted over the pedestal in the air, taking form slowly, until it resembled Fang, and yet not Fang_.

_"I am the goddess Etro, the creatrix of all you see and all that has been and has yet to be."_

_The figure twisted in shadow and cloud a bit more, then emerged as Fang, a cocky smile on her lips as she helped her friend to her feet._

_"Not bad, eh? It's truly amazing what I'm capable of now...now that I let go and became One with the Bridge. It is a peace I never thought could exist...And because of it, I am in a position to help you this one last time."_

_Vanille sighed. It was as her nightmares had foretold. Fang had given in, given up to the power of the In Between, and now she was simply a spirit, in control of so much power. But there was no coming back now. No more life, at least in a physical body. But the stroke of Fang's hand on her cheek was enough to dispel that thought in her, for a moment at least. Her skin was cool and calloused, just as the older warrior's hands had been in life. But for one who had control of everything that manifested in this other realm, this was most likely child's play to imitate._

_"A friend of mine...or ours, as you choose to see it, made a request long ago, in a time I don't think you can remember, simply because you never see it. I mulled the question over for just as long a time, trying to figure out what it could possibly mean. I knew what i didn't want it to mean, but that simply left a list of things it could be anyway. It bred a jealousy in me I was unable to banish, something that poisoned my spirit. But that is in the past now. I have gained much in the way of knowledge thanks be to Etro and the others. And now I know it isn't my place to understand, but simply to ask. And so I shall."_

_Fang had been pacing around Vanille all this time, looking out thoughtfully over the vast expanse of colorful nothingness all around them, as if recalling a deeper memory. All Vanille felt was numb, unable to move, too many thoughts and questions rushing through her head to even begin to contemplate this answer that Fang would want..._

_"Was it worth it?"_


End file.
